blah, blah, blah

Where O Where...

2008-11-08T06:52:00.001-08:00

Wow, didn't realize how long it has been since I posted. I conceive of my blog posts at least once a day. I am saddened by all the moments I haven't capture here or in my written journal. I guess I've been kept busy by this 'job' I have always wanted and love so dearly. As I began writting this post in the peace and quiet of the morning, my early riser playing quietly with a ribbon in my lap, another one came into the room talking away as usual. Ah, there are the cries of the third. Again I must go. I promise to be back soon.

The Name Game

2007-11-19T06:01:00.000-08:00

We have yet to come up with a name for the new little one. It is driving me crazy. I'd just as soon name her Cricket, which is her nickname right now, but dad says, no bug names. I have put together an entire page of names all of which have been rejected. Z guy has suggested one, which i didn't care for either. Oh, and we had rules on creating this name:
1. It can't start with S or A (other two darlings got those letters)
2. It can't end with and 'E' sound or and 'N' sound (again earlier darlinngs)
3. It should have a 'Y' in it (to follow suit of other two)
4. We would like it to be less feminine and nickname-proof.
5. Greater than one sylable in length -possibly

Simple rules I thought. My favorite name meeting these criteria is Lydia (z guy hates among others). I had also suggested Bryce (he could live with but I think it may be too boyish). Z guy suggested Danica (without a y because that just made it look funny). DD has suggested a slew of names throughout the prego such as heimlich, louis and tinkerbell but has recently stuck to her guns on Sophia and Marie. AB has suggested Jovania and Gianna. I actually really like Gianna but that's begging for a nickname right of the bat as is Danica.

My new favorites are Claire, Dylan, Camryn, Larkin and Laney all of which break rules above. I know this shouldn't be such a big deal but I feel the weight of the world right now with this decision. And, I feel bad because Z guy is pretty apathetic to the whole thing. He says to choose whatever I want and he'll resent her just the same. He's such a crab sometimes. I've even bought a name book trying to find that one name where we'll think, "Hey, that's it!" but we have yet to find it. I looked in a book of Sci-Fi names and found Lyta, Tayla and Kaylee but no go. I realize I have some time but not near enough apparently...i'm really starting to get concerned. How can we have clothes and a place for this person and yet no name. Argh. Send suggestions if you have any.

A Good Fruit Drink

2007-09-04T19:34:00.000-07:00

My youngest one, out of the womb that is, recently got her own Jamba Juice with Z-guy. She called it "pajama juice" and though we tried to correct her, it didn't take. She's very happy with her own term for the drink which was quite good, thank you.

Strange Dreams

2007-09-01T06:20:00.000-07:00

I've been having trouble sleeping well lately (running in the family although different sources of trouble). I start out around 8:30 sleeping in bed with the girls (as a buffer between them so they'll settle down) (i know, bad bad). Then I usually wake up several times as I've been kicked or the bladder is full. I get to my own bed sometime after 1am. Anyway, usually it is the kicking or bladder that wakes me up and gets me moving.

Today it was the strangest set of dreams. I haven't slept that deeply in I can't remember when so my dreams always feel to me like I'm half awake and I can usually control what's going on. The first set of dreams was really odd. I was in the house I'm currently living in. It was the middle of the night and really storming outside with wind, rain and lightning-I like that. I am walking through the hallway toward our kitchen when I can sense and see the shadow of someone in the kitchen. As I get closer, I realize it is my Dad, who is dead. I look at him apprehensively, but not terrified and say, You're not supposed to be here. He looks at me and tells me to shut the sliding glass door as it is letting in rain. I woke up a bit here because I don't remember more of that bit and I'm lying back between D and A. But then, in the next piece of dream, I see a bit of grey/black smoke hovering over my youngest child in the bed. I tell it to go away. It is not wanted here. I wake up more, a little uncomfortable from the confrontation, and really can't go back to sleep now because the bladder is screaming. So I head to the head - haha and go back to my own bed. Once settled there, I dream some more.

First I dream about a house that I do not know. Z guy and the girls are there; more like a chalet with lots of open space and windows. We've come back from a trip somewhere and it is snowing outside. There is a downstairs room that is accessible from the outside of the house. I go down there to check on something and the door is busted in. To me it looks like an animal did it-a big animal. Z guy comes down to check after much pestering and is nonplussed about the whole thing. In this room, which seems to be almost like a den or second living space, there is a big black refrigerator. The doors to the frig and freezer parts have been ripped off and all the food inside is ransacked. Still he is not upset. There are cracked and crushed eggs all over the drawers in the frig. We will have to get a new outside door and frig and clean up the mess. Still, I am the only one upset. That is all I remember from that set as we move to the next.

Somehow we moved next to a dinner party in a house I've never been to before. This time it is just me and Z guy. Most of the people I don’t know but they seem to be friends of Z guy’s. Finally the food is ready to eat. No one is eating at a main table; they are all just milling about the house with their plates. I find that there is a lot of fat on the meat that has to be cut off. I thought it was supposed to be turkey but it looks more like pork and it is very tough. Suddenly my Mom is there and they house had turned into my grandmother’s house-of sorts. The food is forgotten and instead we’re going through her things trying to decide what to keep and what not to. There are several people in the house but they seem to be more friends of my mother’s and grandmothers and some of them are not living but are ghosts. Z guy is not there anymore. My mom shows me a ceiling fan that has apparently been augmented by my grandmother. It has these dried flower things sticking out of the top and sides and where the motor should be is a large glass container containing all kinds of things; mostly china dolls. Mom is trying to decide whether to take the whole thing or just some of the dolls. She opens the glass container and starts removing the dolls and figurines. Suddenly I see a tiny child’s ring inside and know that it must have belonged to my grandfather. I get very excited and try to get my mother’s attention but she seems off in her own world. I turn around and there is my Dad next to me who says something and I don’t remember what it was. My mom starts laughing at what he says and I am upset because she shouldn’t be able to hear what he’s saying. I realize at that point that she’s slipping away and dying and I can’t stop it. She says it’s okay and that she’s really looking forward to going. It will be so nice. I’m scared and upset but don’t want to upset her so I stay calm and let her go. Now I can’t go back to sleep. So I wake, make a cup of coffee and write in my blog for the first time all summer. As I type that last line, my youngest comes padding through the kitchen. My day has begun .

Okay, was all that from the gummy worm I had after a dinner of Mexican food! :O

Woohoo

2007-05-28T12:03:00.000-07:00

Your results:
You are Padme

Padme		62%
Luke Skywalker		60%
R2-D2		59%
Princess Leia		58%
Han Solo		57%
Anakin Skywalker		56%
Chewbacca		55%
Qui-Gon Jinn		55%
Obi-Wan Kenobi		54%
Yoda		54%

You try to be a good person,
but your boyfriend doesn't.
At least you look great.

(This list displays the top 10 results out of a possible 21 characters)

Click here to take the "Which Star Wars character am I?" quiz...

From the increadible Overread

I'm way behind...a movie, I can't believe it...

2007-05-20T08:05:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure what to do or think

2007-03-03T14:57:00.000-08:00

I found out today that my 2nd cousin, Angie, lost her youngest child yesterday to 'complications from pneumonia'. He was only 5 1/2 and had had some medical trouble from seizures all during the earlier years of his young life but had been better lately. I never met him and haven't seen this cousin since she was probably 12 years old but this upsets me as I suppose it should. It never seems right to loose a child let alone from something like pneumonia. They are doing an autopsy. He died around 3pm yesterday within 6 hours of being taken to the hospital (which sounds odd to me). He was home sick that day. They thought he had a cold but when he coughed up some blood that morning his mom took him to the hospital. Big changes can happen so fast. Although I haven't seen many members of this family for several years, I still feel close to them. I remember when this cousin's mom was pregnant with her and how I watched her when she was a baby. I can't imagine what she must be going through. I hope that the family she has around her can give her comfort. I would reach out myself but it feels wrong to do so right now when all I can say is how sorry I am. Maybe I'll try later.

Fraggle Rock

2007-02-17T17:00:00.000-08:00

Hey, I've gotten the girls (me, really) the first season of Fraggle Rock. I've been dancing around the house, singing songs and having a great time. So have they. We all have our favorite character. DD likes Boober, AB likes Gobo and I love Wembly. I think if I had to break down my own character as a Fraggle I would be 60% Wembly, 20% Boober, 10% Mokey and 10% Gobo - I don't relate to Red at all. Today at the store, we found a stuffed Gobo and AB just had to have it. She calls it her Fraggle Rock. We've tried to correct her but she's nearing two and very stubborn right now. It's her way or the tantrum highway.

The DVD set I purchased had a making of type DVD along with the others. I watched it one afternoon with the eldest and I found it quite interesting. I don't think she really understood that these characters are puppets. It may be too soon for her to really grasp the concept but I really want her to understand that movies and TV shows are visual stories and aren't typically real.

Dance your cares away!

She's Done With Me

2007-02-06T16:29:00.000-08:00

The other day, DD was asking me if she'd have to go to an orphanage if something happened to me [We've been watching and singing along with Annie lately]. She told me that she didn't want me to die, she didn't want me to leave her. I told her that I didn't want to leave her either but, not to worry because if anything happened she had plenty of other family around that she could go live with so she wouldn't end up like Annie. Oh, she says, like Uncle J? Yes, like Uncle J and Uncle D, Grandma J and Grandma L, there are lots of family that she could go with [oops, in the general realm of this discussion I'd neglected to include Z guy - tsk, tsk]. Well, she says, you can go ahead and die now. I want you to die so I can go live with Uncle J.

Hmph! Done with me, I tell ya...watch out Uncle J.

The Annual Review

2007-01-25T17:05:00.000-08:00

I got my review the other day and I was really shocked. I have worked harder this year at work than any previous year but still the glowing review was completely unexpected. I had given myself a better than average rating and felt that it was reasonable [I've done a lot of significant, high-impact projects that i'm very happy with]. My boss however, marked my work this year as beyond stellar -wow! The bigger suprise yet was that this 'rating' went up the company chain and back down again without being adjusted. Again, there must be some snow in hell somewhere. Fewer than 5% of the company folks will receive this level of recognition. And, wait, there is still some snow falling somewhere in a warm spot...I also got a grade level increase [ie a promotion]. I just got bumped up less than six months ago. I'm told that this never happens where I work - not two grade jumps in less than 12 months - and I didn't even push for this one. There are rules that must be followed but apparently not this year. I'm extremely happy that my hard work was noticed. But, (you knew there was a but coming) where do you go when you're at the top? No where to go but down - lets hope it's a short run with a gentle slope.... wheeeeeeeee

My Name Is

2007-01-21T19:06:00.000-08:00

DD and AB received a chest of dress-up clothes for christmas. The costumes and their accesories been strewn all over the house on a daily basis, driving me a little batty. Tonight, DD dressed up as a princess. She created the outfit from a variety of other costumes to make it her own. She then explained to me that she was a princess and that she was going to get married by daddy; so very cute. Later she announced that her name was now 'Japanese' and that she was going to dance with Daddy before bathtime. She then only listened when we called her by the name Japanese. Z guy who was not paying attention the entire time, looked at me like i was crazy when i called her by that name. It was pretty funny. I aksed if I could talke a picture of her royal highness, but I was told no because I was the Dr's mommy (AB was dressing up as a doctor at the time), so I have posted a dress up picture from Christmas day.

Raiding the Cabinet

2007-01-09T21:37:00.000-08:00

For Christmas, my brother and his girlfriend gave me a book of hot holiday drink recipes. I gave them a hard time because i thought they were making fun of me and the fact that I don't like 'spicy hot' things (they both really love 'spicy hot'). Instead the book is about warm to hot drinks that one might serve in the cold weather. Most of these drink recipes include some type of liquor. So, on new years eve, I raided my liquor cabinet to see what I could make. The only recipe that I had all the ingredients for was called the Praline Prancer. I made 1/2 a recipe and warmed it up in the microwave. I lovingly handed z guy a glass and said cheers. We both took a sip and about fell on our backsides (except that we were already sitting). Dad-gum! That sucker was strong. We pushed through and finished our glasses, shaking our heads as each gulp went down. It was good, but it is definitely a sipper - whaaaaaoooaaoaaa!! The hairs on your arms stand up - more like a chilling kind of drink. So in between the hacking and coughing of being sick, we were also coughing from the strength of the alcohol. And after all that, we didn't even catch a buzz.

Tonight, I tried another one, called Cookies and Cream. Once again, it is a little strong; not as much as the first one, but still a sipper. I'm writing in the book (evil, I know) as I try each one and noting my reactions to each. Definite fun although no buzz.

She's Brilliant

2006-11-11T15:58:00.000-08:00

My littlest one has really grown up so much over the last several months. She’s begun talking and putting words together. Of course, her favorite word is NO, which she uses in response to almost everything. No musi (no music), no sing (no singing)…[apparently she doesn’t care for my voice at bedtime]. She can also be very determined and contrary. The sweetest thing is that she has begun to read some of her stories along with me. When I read “Goodnight Moon” she says, “Moo” and when I say “Goodnight Room”, she says, “Roo”. And she just smiles and smiles when we read this story [Goodnight Moon]. I think she’s just so proud of herself that she is able to mimick me and read the story along with me. She also used to say Poo-bee but can now say Pooh Bear, just two weeks later. She still says Seato for seat or chair and she often adds a ‘y’ to many words like sweaty for sweater. I find this last bit odd because most the adults around her do not use baby talk. She earnestly listens to every word used now and tries to repeat it. She has also mastered the shape sorter in only one week. She’s brilliant.

She and her sister have also begun playing together and really talking to one another without need of parental intervention. I just think it is the cutest thing and it also makes me proud. [of course there are the other moments but they are becoming fewer]

In amongst all the cuteness is the hardest part for Z guy and me. This child still does not sleep through the night. Every 6 days or so, she tricks us and does sleep for almost 7 hours, but practically every night, she wakes between 1 and 3am and then again between 4 and 5am. Her wakeup time should be around 6:30am but when she wakes up around 5am, we usually can not get her back to sleep. Most nights only require about 30-40 minutes to get her back to sleep but some nights are much worse and can last longer than two hours. I know that someday she’ll figure out this sleep thing but there are days where I am so exhausted. It’s a darn good thing that she’s 80% adorable most of the time. As much as I’ve expressed the wonders of being a parent, my complaints to my co-worker have convinced her that children are not for her.

An Experiment

2006-11-05T15:03:00.000-08:00

Recently I bought a copy of Full Moon Feast by Jessica Prentice. She breaks the year down into 13 lunar months with each month being devoted to a specific food or food group. She describes how certain foods belong to certain times of the year, for example lean times in winter and times of plenty after the harvest. It is an thought-provoking book although sometimes she gets on her soapbox but after reading the section called Milk Moon I decided to try a little experiment. Jessica says that lactose intolerance may have something to do with pasteurization of milk since that process kills the enzyme naturally present in the milk which helps one digest lactose. The need for this process is due to the filthy & crowded conditions found in commercial production of milk in dairies (and according to Jessica the same is true for other commercial processes including eggs and meat) . If we would keep the production simple and natural as was done in the past, then the rampant disease issues would not be issues at all.
Anyhoo, to my experiment. Jessica mentions that raw milk should be digestible to many folks that are normally lactose intolerant. I cannot drink milk without have the most awful intestinal cramps, which feel very much link the early pains I felt with the birth of my first daughter. I decided to buy some raw milk and see what happens. I was scared of getting those cramps but they never came. It worked. I can drink raw milk with no problems. I have to admit that the milk tastes very green and different from the Lactaid that I’ve become accustomed to. The most wonderful part is the cream on the top. The best way to have cheerios is with cream on the top! Yum. I hope to write more about my little experiments as I finish reading this book. I’m in the process of searching for something, community or roots or something like that, and this book provides me several avenues to try and find what it is I’m looking for via food – my favorite pastime is eating.

Snapshot

2006-09-23T21:17:00.000-07:00

So many things have been happening this summer and I haven't taken time to chronicle them all. I've been having a 'most awesome' time at work. Folks have been asking me to work from my creative side a lot over the past few months and it has been very very rewarding. I was asked to create logos for three different types of businesses and for the most part they turned out well. My dear brother helped me out a lot on one of them by telling me what I already knew was wrong and suggesting a very clean and simple fix. I needed the push to get away from the direction I'd been going. I've also been busy working on layout and design of several brochures - wicked cool, I must say. Last but not least, I've been asked to help design our business's new digs; locations of spaces, walls, styles of furniture etc. The only bummer on this last piece is that we are working on a 'Coors' beer budget. I've never been good with budgets unless they are unlimited. We are at least moving out of a wreck of ~2k square feet into a 7k sqr ft space on the top floor of a much newer building in our area. It has outdoor deck spaces and nice views of the bay. We're hoping to get into the space by Christmas.

Other notables: DD is brilliant - I'm sure I've forgotten to mention this before. She's ahead of the kids in her class. She knows all the alphabet and how to write most letters - not perfect but hey, she's getting there. She also knows her numbers. I'm going to ask around and find out what other people think about getting her into a more challenging class. The class plan for the fall is to work on some basics including manners but numbers and letters don't start until January. I would like her to stay challenged. I walked into the class the other day and they were playing with lincoln logs. She and on other child had built buildings/structures. The rest of the kids were just kicking and tossign the pieces around. She is one of the older ones in her class.

AB has begun communicating verbally. I'm kinda sad because this beginning is the end of babyhood in some ways. Her language is still babyish though. She calls a fork a fo and Pooh bear is Poo bee but she is always trying to repeat the words that the rest of us are using. She's also very interested in climbing into her carseat by herself. She'll have an all out fit if you try to put her in. She's beginning to be aware of the potty issues which is great. So far she still wets at night but I've talked to other parents whose 4+ year old kids still have not control at night so I won't worry too much. [DD stopped having wet diapers at night between 18 and 24 mo - AB is 18 mo]

All in all, we're having a pretty good summer. I hope to keep the momentum going through fall.

2006-09-23T21:14:00.000-07:00

I got this from the fish; it looked fun. It isn't really the external me but the internal one.

Goodbye Criggie

2006-09-04T12:20:00.000-07:00

I was so very sad to hear that Steve Irwin died. I don't know why. I thought for the most part that he was a genuine ass and had next to no respect for the animals he was exploiting in his shows. I feel very sorry for his kids and wife, but hey, what a way to go. It sounds as though he was stabbed directly in the heart so it would have been very quick and practically painless, or so they say.

News link.

Excercise?!

2006-09-03T16:01:00.000-07:00

We've not planned anything particular this holiday weekend but so far it's been pretty good. I finished my last assignement for my online class. The girls have been mostly well behaved. And Z guy and I took the girls out for a quick run around the block, in our rollerblades! DD was mostly pushed on her bike and AB was in her stroller. We had a lot of fun but didn't get nearly as far as we thought before both of us were tuckered out. I'm afraid I jinxed it though when I mentioned to Z guy how great the day had been; AB took over an hour to go down for her nap...sigh.

Deer Meat?

2006-08-10T16:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday's conversation while driving home:

BB: So, DD, I heard that you got to see a spotted kitty cat today [it's animal week as school and they had someone bring several kinds of animals for the children to see].

DD: Yeah! It jumped up. The guy was holding a piece of meat and the kitty jumped for it. It was a jaguar.

BB: Oh? What kind of meat did the kitty eat?

DD: I duno...

BB: Well, was it cow meat?

DD: No.

BB: Was it light colored meat? Do you think it was chicken meat?

DD: No, it was nothing.

BB: Was it brown looking meat? Maybe it was deer meat.

DD: [very sarcastically] NO MOM - It had no eyes and no head, so it was not DEER meat. It was nothing.

- At this point I just snickered and kept my mouth shut...of COURSE it wasn't deer meat...

Lil' Buddy

2006-08-09T15:34:00.000-07:00

Look who I found when I got home yesterday. He is about 2" long and very fast. DD was just beside herself with excitement. I found him in the kitchen, on the floor. I was amazed that 1) I didn't squish him outright since he blended in so well and 2) that our Bill kitty hadn't pounced on him. We let him go outside in the yard by the compost heap where there are lots of fruit flys.

I guess

2006-07-26T15:28:00.000-07:00

You Are 4: The Individualist

You are sensitive and intuitive, with others and yourself.

You are creative and dreamy... plus dramatic and unpredictable.

You're emotionally honest, real, and easily hurt.

Totally expressive, others always know exactly how you feel.

What Number Are You?

Well, it is inevitable...

2006-07-26T15:22:00.000-07:00

I am 29% White Trash.

The white trash in my blood will not keep me from becoming a doctor or a lawyer, but it will keep me from a good haircut and any sort of fashion sense.

Take the
White Trash Test
@ FualiDotCom

IQ - Poo

2006-07-02T18:30:00.000-07:00

Your IQ Is 100

Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average

Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius

Your Mathematical Intelligence is Below Average

Your General Knowledge is Above Average

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

taken from jayfish

Ah, May I Again Find the Time

2006-06-27T10:29:00.000-07:00

You Are an Excellent Cook

You're a top cook, but you weren't born that way. It's taken a lot of practice, a lot of experimenting, and a lot of learning.
It's likely that you have what it takes to be a top chef, should you have the desire...

Are You A Good Cook?

Growing up so fast

2006-06-23T08:22:00.000-07:00

We are fairly open with the girls and try to be as honest about things as we can. DD has rummaged through my bathroom cabinets and asked about all contents at one point or another. Once, the nail polishes and cotton balls were her fancy but lately she's been more interested in the feminine hygiene products. I haven't gone into all the gorey details; she’s only three and half. I have explained however, that one day, when she’s a teenager, she will be big enough to use these things herself and that seemed like the perfect amount of info for her. Every now and then, she feels it necessary to put some of the sanitary pads in my purse so that I might have them when I go to work. A few times, I’ve begun to walk out the door and found my purse overstuffed with tiny little pink packages. But the other day, her actions were so cute. She found my box of panty liners which in case you don’t know, are smaller than the regular pads. She pulled one out of the box and said, “Look Mama, just my size”. Then she slapped it between her legs (over her clothes) and ran out of the bathroom. I have no idea what happened to it and she hasn’t done it again. Maybe for a moment she was pretending to be a teenager.

Baby Kisses

2006-06-04T10:57:00.000-07:00

AB began giving kissed just a few weeks ago. They began as open mouth touches on the face (sometimes transfering slobber and a little snot along too) but have now evolved to the cutest little lip pucker with an 'mm-waa' sound at the end. Her face lights up with such joy after giving and receiving a kiss. She has such a beautiful smile even though she only has 6 teeth.

She has already begun kissing little boys that she doesn't even know. Last weekend we took her to the park and a young boy came over to see what we had in our wagon. She marched right up to him, grabbed a hold of him and planted a smackaroo right on his mouth. He looked a little surprised but did not run away. He tried to get away from her but she kept trying to make another connection. All of the adults around were giggling and trying to take pictures. My brother got a couple of good ones. Z guy is a little worried about AB and her teenage years now but I think she'll be just fine. Besides, he's cute - she has good taste.

I love being a Mom!

2006-05-12T12:10:00.000-07:00

Today DD's school put together a little recital for all the moms. It was so cute. They sang, “I’m a Little Teapot” and “Skinamarinky Dinky Dink”. DD did a lovely performance as the teapot along with a big dip during the ‘pour me out’ part of the song. All the mom’s got a handmade card and a painted vase with flowers in them. Apparently, yesterday they decorated the flowers with glue and glitter. One of DD’s flowers was pretty beat up but it had lots of glitter on it. They also had cookies, and other bakery sweets and juice. I’m buzzing from all the sugar.

Shell-shocked baby??

2006-04-29T15:21:00.000-07:00

I love to pop packing bubbles of any size. As soon as a package arrives, I will first destroy the packing bubbles either by twisting with my hands, stomping with my feet or by breaking each individual bubble by finger and thumb. - SNAAP, POP, CRACKLE (wait, isn't that the cereal, and of that i'm less fond of that unless it is wrapped in a marshmallow coating.) DD also has this love for the noisy destruction of little balloons. The sound of air being forced to rupture small plastic encasements is so intoxicating. (I also love the sound of controled breaking glass but let's save that discussion for later)

The other day we received a package and yes inside were packing bubbles. DD immediatly proceeded to drag the plastic sheet out onto the floor and a stomping pop fest ensued (you wouldn't know that she was sick at all). AB began to cry but we were busy and I didn't make the connection. Z Guy did and mentioned it to me but I didn't really believe him. Why would popping sounds be scary?!

So, being the experimenting person I am, I looked right at her and stepped on one of the packing bubbles - POP! She burst into a fifteen minute tear fest that could not be quelled by either parent.

Weird.

I removed the packing bubbles from the room, reluctanly. I will test this again of course as soon as we get more bubbles.

Annie get your gun

2006-04-29T15:05:00.000-07:00

Today, DD was outside using a stick as a long gun, picking off the squirrels as they ran by on the fence. Where on earth did she pick up this behaviour? I asked her. Ohhhh, J and K (boys) at her school. They all play this game together. They shoot things they do not like. Oh boy. She used to just scream at things she was upset with, ants, birds, her sister. She then moved on to growling. Now it's bang bang. I'm going to let it go and just keep an eye on it but I really thought that the gun facination at this age was a boy thing that I would not have to experience. [I should mention that J is the boy I invited to DD's birthday party and then we were so glad that he couldn't come - he's got a lot of extra energy and is more than a little out of control, and yes DD loves hanging around this fella, sigh...]

Top 100 Movie Meme

2006-04-21T15:02:00.000-07:00

Overread had posted this meme and I thought, what the heck. You mark the movies you've seen in bold. I have only seen 24 out of 102 (apparently there are 102 in this list...). Well - I guess I have a lot of movies that I need to watch. Too bad some of my favorites didn't make it onto the list but what can you do.

"2001: A Space Odyssey" (1968) Stanley Kubrick
"The 400 Blows" (1959) Francois Truffaut
"8 1/2" (1963) Federico Fellini
"Aguirre, the Wrath of God" (1972) Werner Herzog
"Alien" (1979) Ridley Scott
"All About Eve" (1950) Joseph L. Mankiewicz
"Annie Hall" (1977) Woody Allen
"Bambi" (1942) Disney
"Battleship Potemkin" (1925) Sergei Eisenstein
"The Best Years of Our Lives" (1946) William Wyler
"The Big Red One" (1980) Samuel Fuller
"The Bicycle Thief" (1949) Vittorio De Sica
"The Big Sleep" (1946) Howard Hawks
"Blade Runner" (1982) Ridley Scott
"Blowup" (1966) Michelangelo Antonioni
"Blue Velvet" (1986) David Lynch
"Bonnie and Clyde" (1967) Arthur Penn
"Breathless" (1959 Jean-Luc Godard
"Bringing Up Baby" (1938) Howard Hawks
"Carrie" (1975) Brian DePalma
"Casablanca" (1942) Michael Curtiz
"Un Chien Andalou" (1928) Luis Bunuel & Salvador Dali
"Children of Paradise"/ "Les Enfants du Paradis" (1945) Marcel Carne
"Chinatown" (1974) Roman Polanski
"Citizen Kane" (1941) Orson Welles
"A Clockwork Orange" (1971) Stanley Kubrick
"The Crying Game" (1992) Neil Jordan
"The Day the Earth Stood Still" (1951) Robert Wise
"Days of Heaven" (1978) Terence Malick
"Dirty Harry" (1971) Don Siegel
"The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie" (1972) Luis Bunuel
"Do the Right Thing" (1989 Spike Lee
"La Dolce Vita" (1960) Federico Fellini
"Double Indemnity" (1944) Billy Wilder
"Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and
Love the Bomb" (1964) Stanley Kubrick
"Duck Soup" (1933) Leo McCarey
"E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial" (1982) Steven Spielberg
"Easy Rider" (1969) Dennis Hopper
"The Empire Strikes Back" (1980) Irvin Kershner
"The Exorcist" (1973) William Friedkin
"Fargo" (1995) Joel & Ethan Coen
"Fight Club" (1999) David Fincher
"Frankenstein" (1931) James Whale
"The General" (1927) Buster Keaton & Clyde Bruckman
"The Godfather," "The Godfather, Part II" (1972, 1974) Francis Ford Coppola
"Gone With the Wind" (1939) Victor Fleming
"GoodFellas" (1990) Martin Scorsese
"The Graduate" (1967) Mike Nichols
"Halloween" (1978) John Carpenter
"A Hard Day's Night" (1964) Richard Lester
"Intolerance" (1916) D.W. Griffith
"It's A Gift" (1934) Norman Z. McLeod
"It's a Wonderful Life" (1946) Frank Capra
"Jaws" (1975) Steven Spielberg
"The Lady Eve" (1941) Preston Sturges
"Lawrence of Arabia" (1962) David Lean
"M" (1931) Fritz Lang
"Mad Max 2" / "The Road Warrior" (1981) George Miller
"The Maltese Falcon" (1941) John Huston
"The Manchurian Candidate" (1962) John Frankenheimer
"Metropolis" (1926) Fritz Lang
"Modern Times" (1936) Charles Chaplin
"Monty Python and the Holy Grail" (1975) Terry Jones & Terry Gilliam
"Nashville" (1975) Robert Altman
"The Night of the Hunter" (1955) Charles Laughton
"Night of the Living Dead" (1968) George Romero
"North by Northwest" (1959) Alfred Hitchcock
"Nosferatu" (1922) F.W. Murnau
"On the Waterfront" (1954) Elia Kazan
"Once Upon a Time in the West" (1968) Sergio Leone
"Out of the Past" (1947) Jacques Tournier
"Persona" (1966) Ingmar Bergman
"Pink Flamingos" (1972) John Waters
"Psycho" (1960) Alfred Hitchcock
"Pulp Fiction" (1994) Quentin Tarantino
"Rashomon" (1950) Akira Kurosawa
"Rear Window" (1954) Alfred Hitchcock
"Rebel Without a Cause" (1955) Nicholas Ray
"Red River" (1948) Howard Hawks
"Repulsion" (1965) Roman Polanski
"Rules of the Game" (1939) Jean Renoir
"Scarface" (1932) Howard Hawks
"The Scarlet Empress" (1934) Josef von Sternberg
"Schindler's List" (1993) Steven Spielberg
"The Searchers" (1956) John Ford
"The Seven Samurai" (1954) Akira Kurosawa
"Singin' in the Rain" (1952) Stanley Donen & Gene Kelly
"Some Like It Hot" (1959) Billy Wilder
"A Star Is Born" (1954) George Cukor
"A Streetcar Named Desire" (1951) Elia Kazan
"Sunset Boulevard" (1950) Billy Wilder
"Taxi Driver" (1976) Martin Scorsese
"The Third Man" (1949) Carol Reed
"Tokyo Story" (1953) Yasujiro Ozu
"Touch of Evil" (1958) Orson Welles
"The Treasure of the Sierra Madre" (1948) John Huston
"Trouble in Paradise" (1932) Ernst Lubitsch
"Vertigo" (1958) Alfred Hitchcock
"West Side Story" (1961) Jerome Robbins/Robert Wise
"The Wild Bunch" (1969) Sam Peckinpah
"The Wizard of Oz" (1939) Victor Fleming

Strep Throat

2006-04-14T22:42:00.000-07:00

Argh! DD has strep throat. Right before the holiday weekend - I can't believe our bad luck this year. It better mean that next year is illness free. Oh, and I gave AB a bite from DD's sandwich this afternoon. Yes, after DD had taken a bite from it. What was I thinking!!!

Ups & Downs

2006-04-12T16:28:00.000-07:00

Last Wednesday I found out I was pregnant again. I was so excited but also a little nervous. The next evening I had lost the pregnancy - an emergency surgery; tubalectomy with ectopic pregnancy. I was a little sad at the time but okay and glad to be healthy and on the road to recovery. I've been recuperating and taking it easy over the last several days. I am feeling the loss now, a week later, for some reason. I guess it’s just time.

In that span of 24 hours, I'd begun picking out names and trying to figure out where on earth we were going to put him/her in this tiny house. I was worrying that our youngest, who just turned one on Sunday, would feel excluded because she would be a middle child. I was concerned because at work I've been in some negotiations with my boss about moving onto full time and into a new position. I felt like I was letting him down because at the time, the new position, something I'm very excited about, could not hold a candle to the new life I was expecting. I was going to have to look at minivans for family transportation - oh my goodness.

Now, no worries about minivans, no pressure on the youngest (yet), and I get to move on into the new position where I work. It's funny how life changes. In the span of 48 hours my expectations of where my life was heading jumped lanes for a while but then landed practically back where it had been before.

My Disorders

2006-04-02T21:31:00.000-07:00

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	High
Schizoid Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Disorder:	Moderate
Antisocial Disorder:	Low
Borderline Disorder:	Moderate
Histrionic Disorder:	Moderate
Narcissistic Disorder:	Moderate
Avoidant Disorder:	High
Dependent Disorder:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

April Rain Song - Poetry Friday

2006-03-31T23:13:00.000-08:00

At it has been raining here for days and is expected to over the next several, I am posting a poem I found about rain.

Let the rain kiss you.
Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops.
Let the rain sing you a lullaby.

The rain makes still pools on the sidewalk.
The rain makes running pools in the gutter.
The rain plays a little sleep-song on our roof at night ---

And I love the rain.

Langston Hughes (1902-1967)

I'm Bad to the Bone

2006-03-31T22:35:00.000-08:00

Greed:	Very High
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Medium
Sloth:	Very High
Envy:	Medium
Lust:	Medium
Pride:	Low

Discover Your Sins - Click Here

Silly Baby

2006-03-30T15:30:00.000-08:00

AB has one new tooth and another coming in soon - both upper incisors. She has been fusier than usual of late. She was up almost two hours last night crying for 2-3 minutes, sleeping for 5 minutes then waking up and starting all over again. Tylenol and orajel did not help. I'm afraid to say that she just had to wear herself out. Hopefully we will get back to the point where she will sleep through the night. It has been weeks since she was content enough to do that.

She has also begun throwing temper tantrums. She will toss herself forward or backward when she is upset. Often this causes her to bonk her head on something like the bed frame, her sister's head or most usually the floor. Now she really has something to cry about. She's also taken to rolling sideways and has found herself under the bed more than once. A place she does not want to be.

On a positive note, AB is almost walking. She will tentatively walk all over the house if someone supports her under the arms. Last night Z Guy held only one hand and guided her through the living room and into the bedroom. She can also stand by herself for a moment or two before tetering over. She's growing fast. Her first birthday is Sunday.

Conversation at dinner:

2006-03-30T15:19:00.000-08:00

Z Guy: Well, It's good to dreams.

BBB: Yes dear, It's good to have dreams.

DD: It's bad to have germs!

Friends

2006-03-23T14:49:00.000-08:00

Several weeks ago, a friend from college, K, who I met through my sorority recently contacted me. She found my email address at Classmates.com. She has five children and the oldest is 15 years old. I can't believe how old I am and how much time has gone by. It was nice to hear from her and say hello. It made me miss my other friends from that time whom I've lost touch with.

I decided to try and contact two other sorority sisters that I hung out with the most in college. One of them, L, was my best friend. We lived together for several years while we were in school. The other, S, was her 'Little Sister'. I looked for S online and am pretty sure I found her blog. I sent her a short email that said Hi and if this is the right S from X college, I'd love to hear from you. I haven’t received a response and that was over two weeks ago. I had hoped to hear from her but, it's okay. S was always pretty finicky. I last saw her almost 8 years ago. She was never one to look back and reminisce.

I had kept up with L on a fairly regular basis after college. People always thought we looked like sisters, a complement we were both tickled to get. She and I went to separate cities after college then she moved out of state with her new husband. The time between talking and cards became longer and longer. I think they were in their 3rd state in the same number of years when Z guy and I moved to California. She had her first daughter that same year – 10 years ago this summer. We tried to talk often as possible. Her husband was a real jerk in my opinion and so many times she’d call me crying. Almost 4 years ago (1.5 years after the birth of her second daughter) I noticed that our phone conversations were becoming repetitive. We spoke so infrequently that I thought maybe she just didn’t remember what we’d talked about the last time. The fourth time the same story came up, I told her gently that she’d already told me the story of daughter number two and the priest at church and yes, she’d mentioned the story of daughter number one and grandma in heaven. She said she was sorry and then the conversation ended abruptly. Three weeks later, her husband left her. She was so devastated, quiet and withdrawn. I chocked it up to the circumstances. Boy was I wrong and right all at the same time. I didn’t hear from her for over two months (and guiltily, I didn’t realize it, I was wrapped up in my first pregnancy – a very happy time for me). I got a call in November from her sister. They had taken L to the hospital for severe depression. She had totally shut down. She wasn’t eating, dressing herself or taking care of her girls (she’d been a stay at home mom). Her sister wanted to know if I knew of something that might have caused this. I think they expected that her husband might have done something to her (something worse than the emotional abuse he inflicted on her daily). If it happened, she did not share it with me. In December her husband petitioned and won custody of their children. L didn’t fight it which I just couldn’t understand. I spoke to her a several times over the next year. She was progressively worse each time I talked to her. The last time, she was mad because her mom made her talk to me on the phone and tell me that she’d eaten some cheese pizza. I did not call her again. I didn’t think I was helping. It seemed to really upset her mom when I would call. Not that I was calling, but because L still wasn’t well. Her mom took time off from her job and they were going to try giving L some different medication. If that did not help, she was going to have to be permanently hospitalized. That year, I had my first child, I lost my dad to cancer and I lost my best friend to apparent schizophrenia (the doctors were never sure exactly what was wrong with her and why she just shut down).

That was about two years ago. After K contacted me, I thought about calling L’s mom to see how she was doing. I was afraid of opening old wounds. I assumed things had not gotten better since I hadn’t heard anything. So rather than call, I sent her sister an email. I wrote that I did not need a response but that I just wanted them to know that I still think about L and her family quite often and hope that everyone is well. I did not receive a response. I wish I had but I suppose that by not keeping in touch, I forfeited the right to hear updates. I’m not sure what I would have done with the information. I do miss L terribly. She had two girls and now I have two. We always had a lot in common and would have had a great deal to share as we grew into old ladies, had the fates been kind I suppose.

Whooo hooooo!

2006-03-23T14:39:00.000-08:00

A Bit Of Both

You are 40% Calvin and 60% Hobbes

Calvin & Hobbes, like a scruffy yin and yang, are in perfect balance within you. Like Calvin, you're weird, a bit insecure, and can be a trouble-maker. But like Hobbes, you're down to earth and sensitive. It's a risk to say it here, after just a ten question test, but I'll bet you're smarter than most. Both Calvin and Hobbes are crafty, clever characters, and any one made from equal parts of each is a force to be reckoned with.

Link: The Calvin Or Hobbes Test written by gwendolynbooks on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Who Am I?

2006-03-19T16:42:00.000-08:00

Independent Visionary

I love these things. Rarely however do I learn something new. Saw this over at Overread's place.

Where Have You Been? Sick Baby...

2006-03-17T15:31:00.000-08:00

I've been busy this past week. Not only is Z guy out of town, but little AB is sick. Not terribly sick, not at death's door or anything like that but it wears you out nonetheless. She has a croupy cough with lots of mucous. I took both Wednesday and Thursday off from work because she was running a fever those days. On Wednesday I took her to the doctor but they could not find anything really wrong with her. They gave me a prescription for albuterol for her wheezy coughing. She hates the medicine and it doesn’t seem to improve her breathing or cease her coughing. She hasn't wanted to eat anything for five days although she has taken at least half a bottle when I've offered it to her but it has to be milk, not juice or water. She is actually sounding and acting a little more like herself today even though she’s still running a fever. Her nose has started to run green I’m afraid and I may have to take her to the doctor again if that doesn’t clear up.

She’s quite the fussy one compared to DD who really takes everything in stride. I think that is the primary reason that I’m worn out. She is just so uncomfortable that she cries and cries. She needs to be held but then so does DD. Funny how they seem to need me at the same time. AB has slept only three hours straight in the last few days and with a little help from me, she’s back to sleep within 30 minutes or so. I look forward to the full night of sleep I hope to get in the next few days.

I’m very grateful that Z guy will be home tonight. I missed him and I missed his help. I missed having some ‘me’ time. This week was good prep for me though since he’s going to be gone again next month for another out of town meeting. I wish the grandparents were closer but I’d probably rely on them too much.

Sage at Three

2006-03-11T09:15:00.000-08:00

Last night DD and I were in another room making a tent out of some blankets and pillows when we heard a crash followed by loud crying. AB had pulled herself up on the paper shredder but it, being top heavy, had fallen over on her. The shredder part, which is very heavy, had hit her in the face. When I got closer, I saw blood in her mouth. I began to freak out a bit. I didn't know if she'd broken a tooth or worse. She was howling and wouldn't let me get a good look in her mouth. I was dabbing her mouth with a towel to see if I could find the source of the endless amounts of blood. I called Z guy and told him I might have to go to the hospital - like I said, I was freaking out. Then DD calmly said, "Mama, Mama, remember when x-boy pushed me down at school and I got a cut on my mouth? The teacher gave me some ice. Maybe AB would like some ice too." "Did it make you feel better?” I said. She said yes and went on to explain how she needed some ice now too, and a towel, and can she look at sister's mouth, etc. In that one moment, I calmed down and realized it probably wasn't that bad. The ice soothed AB almost immediately. The bleeding ceased and I found a small tooth-shaped split on the inside of her upper lip. The single upper fang that she has likely caused this small hole that bled like it was ten times larger. (Z guy has been calling her Fang} I am grateful that AB is going to be okay and I know this will be only the beginning of little cuts and scraps for her. I am very happy though that DD appears to have begun her journey as a wise woman. Now, if I can just keep from messing that up. (She already gets a little freaked by spiders, but we come by that naturally – thanks Grandma!)

Poetry Friday

2006-03-10T15:22:00.000-08:00

Here we are again on poetry Friday. Rather than post one of my Dad's poems, I looked around for a poem that I liked. I liked this one by Audre Lorde. My inner fears often stop me from acting but I'm working on that.

A LITANY FOR SURVIVAL
For those of us who live at the shoreline
standing upon the constant edges of decision
crucial and alone
for those of us who cannot indulge
the passing dreams of choice
who love in doorways coming and going
in the hours between dawns
looking inward and outward
at once before and after
seeking a now that can breed
futures
like bread in our children's mouths
so their dreams will not reflect
the death of ours:

For those of us
who were imprinted with fear
like a faint line in the center of our foreheads
learning to be afraid with our mother's milk
for by this weapon
this illusion of some safety to be found
the heavy-footed hoped to silence us
For all of us
this instant and this triumph
We were never meant to survive.

And when the sun rises we are afraid
it might not remain
when the sun sets we are afraid
it might not rise in the morning
when our stomachs are full we are afraid
of indigestion
when our stomachs are empty we are afraid
we may never eat again
when we are loved we are afraid
love will vanish
when we are alone we are afraid
love will never return
and when we speak we are afraid
our words will not be heard
nor welcomed
but when we are silent
we are still afraid

So it is better to speak
remembering
we were never meant to survive

- Audre Lorde, The Black Unicorn

A Good Day

2006-03-10T12:31:00.000-08:00

DD helped me make lunch today. We had shells and cheese with peas and peaches. She wasn't too interested in eating until I gave her the option to help make the food. Then she picked out the main course. She is a very good helper. She even had seconds after she'd finished her meal. She surprises me because she prefers to eat frozen peas and uncooked shells if given the choice.

Even little AB had some of the shells. She is much more interested in feeding herself than being fed so when I can, I give her things off of my plate.

AB is becoming more confident with her standing and walking skills. She moves around the edges of furniture mostly. Sometimes DD likes to pick her up and move her around very much like Olivia picks up her cat Edwin and moves him around. So far AB doesn't seem to mind.

At naptime, DD asked me to 'cross my arms' after she picked out two stories to read. I tried several variations of crossed arms before I got it to her satisfaction. The right configuration was making a ring with my arms, upon which she said 'that's it, good job mama' and crawled up inside them. Then we read 'When you give a Moose a Muffin' and 'Counting Kisses'.

Oh, and we mixed 4 colors of playdough together. Yeah! sigh...

Rainy Morning Drive

2006-03-07T09:14:00.000-08:00

Here are three albums, perfect for the mood of a dark, cold, rainy morning drive.

A-ha, Scoundrel Days - Listen to: I've Been Losing You, October & Manhattan Skyline

Arcadia, So Red the Rose - Listen to: Missing, The Promise & Lady Ice

Loreena McKennitt, The Mask & Mirror - Listen to: Marrakesh's Night Market, Full Circle & Ce He Mise le Ulaingt? (The Two Trees)

Set your ipod to shuffle and enjoy...

An Evening to Ourselves

2006-03-06T14:47:00.000-08:00

We had a very nice evening last friday on our anniversay. Our children stayed with a neighbor and we went to our favorite mexican place. I had a margarita in my hand within minutes of getting through the door. It nearly knocked me on my socks but it was sooooo good. Z guy had his standard, Verde Enchiladas with extra tomatillo sauce. I had beef Flautas. We ate lots of chips and salsa, barely finished our dinner and headed home for some much needed "private time". It was great. We're going to have to start devoting more time to us again.

Yep, We've been together for 14 years and married for 10 of them. The funny thing is that I would never recommend that anyone stay together if they met like we did. It was not destined for success yet, somehow it works.

I first met Z guy when we both worked at McDonald's in our small hometown. It was a brand new store, the second in town (now I think there are three or four). I thought he was cute. He had a fast 280zx that he raced at the SCCA tracks. He was such a hot shot. We had mutual friends and would see each other at parties and out at the local pool hall, Skully's. One time he drove me home from one of the parties and we ended up getting very close. I thought it was going somewhere but the next day, no call. All week I waited for a call (why didn't I call). Then I acted immature (I was 16) and told all our mutual friends that he had mistreated me and some of them decided to ally with me and he was outcast from the group - it didn't really make that much of a difference to him. He had bigger plans. He and I went our separate ways and didn’t interact for several years.

Seven years later, we are in the same geometry class at college one summer. I didn’t talk to him because I was still hurt by the way he had treated me. He had changed quite a bit. He was heavier and quieter but still a bit of a snob.

About one year later, I decided to try to find Z guy and apologize for the way I’d hurt him in high school (hahaha, if I’d only known that he didn’t remember at all). It happened one evening after I’d hung up the phone with my then boyfriend/fiancé. The ex had made me angry for the umpteenth time. We had been living in separate states for years and finally when he is only now in the next town, only an hour away, I thought we’d be spending more time together. I had asked him if he’d like me to drive down to see him but he said no, he was just going to play some video games and stay home. There was no need for me to come down. Well, excuse me! This was at least the fifth time that video games had taken precedent over me and I’d had it. I told him that he could call me when he wasn’t busy anymore. I hung up the phone, picked up a pack of smokes, made myself a rum and coke and began my pity party.

I ended up calling all three of my previous ex’s just to ‘see how they were doing’. The first was happy to hear from me and we just chatted a bit. The second guy was a little freaked out-rightfully. Then there was Z guy. He wasn’t really an ex but I felt that I’d wronged him long ago so I needed/wanted to apologize. I knew he was a frat boy (he’d worn the frat hat in class every day) so I called the house and asked to speak to him. The pledge who answered the phone told me that he didn’t live there anymore but gave me a number where I could reach him. When Z guy answered the phone, he didn’t recognize my voice. I’m almost certain that my voice was slurring and I think he was intrigued-the scoundrel. He didn’t remember that I had tried to hurt him in high school – darn, I was such a fool! I found out that he worked at the computer center at the university. I had just purchased a new computer. Would he like to come by and see it? But, of course!

Well, that was the beginning. We’ve not been apart since except for the four months when he moved to CA for a dotcom job. I was still finishing some research work at the university and couldn't go with him. We married during that four months and I moved to CA. Z guy has been very good to and for me. I quit smoking after we got together. He dared me no less, and I had to win that bet. We have two of the most beautiful children I’ve ever seen. He is my best friend and I’m so lucky that we had a second chance.

[Previous ex didn’t notice that I hadn’t called him for almost two weeks. But by then, it was too late, I’d moved on. Last I heard, he was not doing so well.]

I Swear, I Just Turned Away For A Minute

2006-03-05T21:56:00.000-08:00

This is a picture from the second event. Apparently the dirt surrounding the ficus is just too good to pass up [I should point out that this is our only plant at her level]. Since this picture was taken a few days ago, AB has been back no fewer than three times. We've been firm and stern with her but the draw is too intense. It is really kindof cute and funny, but I don't want her to know that.

Sharing

2006-03-05T10:18:00.000-08:00

DD: Momma, I want some crackers, some veggie crackers.

BBB: Okay. It is about time for a snack. Now, if I give you some, you need to share with AB - got it? [I put ~10 crackers in a small bowl and off she goes into the Den]

As heard in other room...

DD: AB, look what I got for you...your favorite...VEGGIE crackers!

BBB: [smiling - do I dare hope that this sisterly love will last]

I Love SciFi

2006-03-05T07:53:00.000-08:00

As seen on Geeky Mom

You scored as Babylon 5 (Babylon 5). The universe is erupting into war and your government picks the wrong side. How much worse could things get? It doesn't matter, because no matter what you have your friends and you'll do the right thing. In the end that will be all that matters. Now if only the Psi Cops would leave you alone.

Moya (Farscape)

81%

Babylon 5 (Babylon 5)

81%

Serenity (Firefly)

81%

SG-1 (Stargate)

81%

FBI's X-Files Division (The X-Files)

69%

Enterprise D (Star Trek)

56%

Millennium Falcon (Star Wars)

50%

Galactica (Battlestar: Galactica)

50%

Nebuchadnezzar (The Matrix)

44%

Bebop (Cowboy Bebop)

44%

Deep Space Nine (Star Trek)

44%

Andromeda Ascendant (Andromeda)

19%

Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile II: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in?

created with QuizFarm.com

Is It Still Winter?

2006-03-03T16:20:00.000-08:00

The sun is shinning, it is a warm afternoon and a gentle spring-like rain is falling at this very moment. A hummingbird has built her nest on a windchime on my front porch. My babies have taken very long naps this afternoon and I've gotten scads of things done that had been sitting in the to-do pile. It is my 10th wedding anniversary. Z guy and I are going out to our favorite mexican restaurant and may pick up a movie for some quality alone time while our girls are being watched by a friend. My how the tides have turned.

And - to everyone who posted comments to the Blahs - I am feeling more sure of myself now and that is due in part to all your support - so thanks!

[seeking comments from photographers on how to catch the rain, digitally, on days like these]

Poetry Friday

2006-03-03T16:12:00.000-08:00

I'm Still Waiting...

And it hurts sometimes...

But somehow I manage

I think its because

KH 5-88

Technology Meme - Whew!

2006-02-28T08:34:00.000-08:00

via Geeky Mom...

1. Do you remember when you saw your first computer? When did you actually use one? What about having your own? Do you own a laptop? (PC or Mac?) Have you gone wireless at home yet?

I’m not sure when I saw my first computer (Atari doesn’t count right?!). My brothers got a Commodore 64 sometime in the early eighties and my Dad bought a very tiny word processor a few years after that, that I do remember but I don’t remember its make. It was unusually small and flat (for the day), it didn’t work very well, and therefore we didn’t keep it long.

I first used a computer after I started a lab tech job while in college. My boss owned and used several TRS80s that used really big floppy disks. I worked for him for almost 8 years and during that time we upgraded to several PC clones. The first program I remember being pretty good at using a program I remember being called Word but I don’t think it was a MS product.

I got my first personal computer during my third or fourth year of college (1992). I bought a Gateway with all the fancy gadgets you could get at the time. What a beast it was. I ran into Z guy during this time. He worked at the university in the IS department. I had a new computer and he knew computers – what a perfect fit. The rest is history.

We now own multiple computers, laptop and big bulky beasts. We are somewhat of a geeky family but not too much. The majority are PC but we do have one Mac clamshell that is so old it almost doesn’t count anymore. We have gone wireless at home. A necessary evil as we have multiple laptops that reside in different places; under the couch, on the kitchen counter, next to the bed. We do have more computers than cars but that’s not saying much. Oh, most of them work but there was a time about a year ago when the reverse was true.

2. When did you first go online and/or use email? Who did you email back then? How did the internet change your life? When did you discover blogging? What about your home internet connection - is it dial-up, DSL, cable?

I first used email as we know it in college, during the nineties. I emailed colleagues regarding the research we were doing. However while writing this I remembered that my wee bub had a BBS back in the eighties. I did use it a few times but did not understand what I was doing. I think I only emailed him.

Email is now a big part of my life. I am not extroverted. I don’t always pick up the phone. I will now stay in contact with folks that are further away, in different time zones etc. It is indispensable at work. I love the evidence of it that shows you did contact someone regarding X and that it is their fault, they dropped the ball, not you – whaaa haa haa ahhhaaa. I digress.

I also cannot live without the interent. I feel very cut off of “the real world” if I have no access. I’m not sure what to do without myself if I can’t access miscellaneous bits of information.

I discovered blogging this year. I’m not sure I’m good at it. It requires active participation and action on my part. I’m more of a lurker than an doer.

We have DSL and cable at home – I think – Z guy is in charge of this. As I said, I just want access. I don’t care how I get it.

3. Do you remember your first VCR? What about a video camera (there were some bulky ones back in the 80s and 90s) and home videos?

Our first VCR was a top loader I think. We also got this in the early eighties. We never had beta. My dad had a reel camera (or had access to) as evidenced by some home movies of us kids that I’ve found but I don’t remember it.

My first video camera was purchased during the summer of 1992 for a float trip. Z guy and I took it with us down the river in a giant baggie. That was one of the best weekends ever and we have it all on tape. We were evil though and returned it first thing the next week because we were broke college students who could not afford such a thing. Wally world took it back, no questions asked.

4. When did you switch from VCR to DVD? How did it change your video viewing experience? Do you use TiVo or any such "contraption" to tape TV shows? Do you use Netflix or some other internet-based DVD "renting" service?

We still have both VCR and DVD players. The DVDs are fun because of all the extras. We had to keep the VCR because we had so many tapes and then DD came along. Many of her VCR tapes are beginning to wear out and we don’t buy any new tapes, so eventually it will be transitioned out. Since the VCR is easy to use, it has been nice to let her use/abuse the VCR. However, she has also become adept at managing the DVD player- scratched discs and all.

I CANNOT LIVE without TiVo. It is the best thing next to sliced cheese…After children, I could not keep up with my program viewing schedule. TiVo has allowed us to continue to watch the shows we want to, when we want to. I’m usually only off by a day or two when watching the shows. And this way, I can keep talking to my friends about whatever was going on on Grey’s Anatomy etc. We are also watching a bunch of other stuff that we never could have watched before; my gardening shows and his car shows.

We do not use any ‘renting’ service because TiVo keeps our viewing plate full.

5. What about music? Did you enjoy listening favorite music in Long Plays or did you prefer cassette tapes? When did you buy your fist CD player and switched to CDs? Did you abandon them (and turned to downloaded music) for MP3 players or Ipods or do you still buy CDs? (I'm not going to ask or comment about "illegal" music activities in the internet, even though it was an exciting innovation, lest one of us gets arrested for it :)

I almost always buy and listen to an entire album. I always have. I used to buy the record, the buy the remixed single in LP when I was in high school. We used to make our own cassettes from the LPs we bought (my brothers and I). Toward the end of high school and into college, I was buying lots of cassettes. I got my first CD player in college and began that transition. I got rid of all my cassettes just two years ago. That was really painful for me. All of that music meant something to me but as was pointed out, I no longer listened to it. We only have one cassette player and it is in the house and I listen to most of my music on the road.

I got my first iPod this past November for my birthday. I have ripped almost all my CDs onto the pod and I love it. I will be sad to see my CDs go but I may not completely give them all up. I really like the artwork and effort they put into them however, they are bulky and I have to much junk in the house as it is. I like being able to buy music online. I have only purchased a few CDs since then that I can’t find online.

6. Do you own and use a cell phone? Do you think it's useful or just annoying?(Did you always have a telephone in your house growing up? Did you have a phone in your own room?)

Yes, I have a 5 year old Motorola. I use it only occasionally. We have always had phones growing up and I did have one in my room but not my own line.

7. When did you first buy a digital camera? What kind was it (3.2, 4.0, 5.0 mega-pixels or better)? Did you start taking more pictures or were you a photo aficionado before then? What about a digital video camera?

I got my first digi camera about 5 years ago. I think it was a Fuji. I loved it! I have since upgraded in 2003 to a Cannon that can do little mpg movies. I honestly have no idea how many pixels it does or any of that. It is point and click and easy to use. The pictures are often very good except those taken indoors (true I think of many cameras). I take way too many pictures of my darling children. It is nice for those family who are not near though as they get to watch them grow vicariously. I am not a photo aficionado but that runs in the family. If I would dedicate some brain energy, I’m sure I would be a very good photographer.

8. What about televisions? Have you already embraced the new technologies, such as HDTV, plasma, and flat screen? (On the other hand, you wouldn't remember black & white TVs, would you?)

We do not have a fancy new TV. Z guy wants one very badly but I think the cost to get into what he wants prohibits him from buying. Maybe next Christmas…

The Blahs

2006-02-27T09:12:00.000-08:00

Blah - AB is no longer sleeping through the night (again). She was up three times last night with the last one at 3:34 until almost 5. She would not stay asleep by herself so I put her back in bed with me until 6:30 when Z guy got up and was starting the morning routine. I am supposed to BE at work at 6:30. I haven't been to work on time in I don't know when. I'm lucky that my boss looks the other way because when I'm there, I do awesome work. I'm not sure how much longer that is going to last.

Blah - Z guy tells me this morning that he thinks I should just quit work. We are barely making ends meet and with me home, we would save the daycare costs. That terrifies me for some reason. I was so angry after DD was born and I had to go back to work. Now, however, it is a break for me to come to the office and do adult things. I feel like such a looser that I don't feel 100% when spend every moment with my darling children but I do get worn out. I'm also afraid that I can't give the girls the richness of environment that they get at daycare. They get socialized with other adults and children. I'm afraid I would leave them in front of the boob tube too long (like they already get on the weekends). I don't have any friends here so maybe this would make me get out and meet some.

Blah - Z guy had a fender bender on Friday and crunched the front of our Honda. So now, every single one of our 5 cars is in need of repair. At least 3 of them run; the Honda is not really drivable since the lights are busted.

Last Blah - The winter weather here is back. Rain, rain go away. We had two beatiful weekends and got spoiled. The girls got to play in the backyard. AB crawled everywhere and got very dirty but had fun. DD went to the park with Z guy then we had a picnic in the backyard. Sigh. With the good there is some bad and 'april showers bring may flowers'. I look forward to the blooms.

Poetry Friday

2006-02-24T15:37:00.000-08:00

The Truth

We're living in a land of make-believe
And trying not to let it show
Maybe in that land of make-believe
Heartaches can turn into joy.

We're breathing in the smoke of high and low
We're taking up a lot of room
Somewhere in the dark and silent night
Our prayer will be heard, make it soon

So fly little bird
Up into the clear blue sky
and carry the word
Love's the only reason why - why?

Open up the shutters on your windows
Unlock all the locks upon your doors
Brush away the cobwebs from your day-dreams
No secrets come between anymore
Oh say its true
Only love will see you through
You know what love can do to you.

another poem (writen down by my dad), no date

UPDATE: jo(e) noticed that these words sounded like they should be set to music. My fingers did the walking on google and without much difficulty found that in fact, these are the words to a Moody Blues song. The song is Land of Make-Believe. Oops. I will remember to check his other stuff before posting. It must have meant something to him though to have written it down.

Death will come for us all...

2006-02-23T09:50:00.000-08:00

as seen on zerodoll

well, i'm glad i have a few more years to go

My Dear Friend in Heaven

2006-02-20T21:28:00.000-08:00

Today we had our 11 yr old Dalmatian, Roxanne, put to sleep. She was our first child. We’ve had her all of our married years plus one. She had been ill for some time and over the weekend I came to see that her time here, living happy and comfortable was over. They gave her a sedative first and she just went limp within two minutes. The vet said her kidneys weren’t functioning properly since she relaxed so quickly. It was over very quickly; I was grateful. I had known it needed to be done and after it was over I was more confident of my decision. She is gone and I will miss her so much. I will miss her as she was so many months ago.

This morning, first thing, I called a friend at work. I work next door to a teaching hospital and the vet there offered to help out for free. I had explained to DD before we left that today Roxanne would be going to heaven. I thought it would be a good idea to prepare her (I don’t like surprises myself). I’ve talked to her about some of her relatives who are deceased so she had some idea of heaven already. “So she’s going to die?”, she said. “Yes” I told her. This did not seem to faze her so much in the beginning. I wanted her to be able to say goodbye. She’s known Roxanne her whole life. It’s only fair. So we bundled everyone up and headed into Berkeley. When we got there, the girls and I went to the back of the truck and gave Roxanne our goodbyes. We pet her and gave her a hug. I told DD that we would not get to see Rox again, that Mommy’s friend was coming to help Roxanne get to heaven. This was her last chance to say goodbye. Then we went inside. Z Guy stayed with Roxanne. Once inside, a few of my friends came to help me keep the girls busy. DD asked if Roxanne was gone yet. I say no, not yet. Then she got upset when I wouldn’t let her go back out to see her. She doesn’t get hysterical, just fussy. (I felt it was necessary to be firm since I’d already told her that she had had to say her last goodbye at the back of the truck. I didn’t want her to think she might always be able to go back when you can’t) Finally when it was time to go, she wanted to know where heaven was and where Roxanne was and if heaven was over behind that building over there. We explained to her as best we could over and over. We explained to her that our friend’s dog who died last month was so excited that she was getting a new friend to play with. We told her that her Grandpa Ken was up in heaven and playing with Roxanne. We told her that Roxanne could now run and jump and play, something she hasn’t been able to do for months. Then DD got quiet. I think she was just digesting all the info. We were very careful to not use the word sleep in any of our descriptions for fear that she would be afraid to sleep.

We went to see my brother for lunch - to put a break in the day. I thought it would help DD (and me to). She was so excited to see her uncle. She told him only once that her dog had died today and gone to heaven. Then that was it. Time for play. Running wild through his place of work. I thought perhaps this morning’s events were put away.

However, within minutes of getting back in the truck and heading home the questions began again. Why can’t we go to heaven? Where is it? Can Roxanne come back to see me? Why not? Why, why, why? Do I get to go to heaven when I die? Will I see Roxanne when I die? (whoa – pretty heavy stuff for mom to handle even though I know she’s just trying to understand it all) Throughout the evening similar questions continued to pop up. When I put her to bed, I told her to dream of Roxanne and to be sure and give her a hug and tell her that she is loved. DD looks up at me with big brown eyes, smiling, and says, “I will get to see her when I die, right”. “Yes”, I say, “but that’s not for a long time. Right now, just dream of her.”

It's so funny, throughout the day I had so much that I wanted to write and now, when all is quiet in the house, it won’t come to me. Most of my family and friends have been contacted and have sent their condolences. I should say that as a family, we do actively practice any particular religion. I feel bad about needing the concept of heaven when I don’t feel that I need other aspects of religion in my life. It is a crutch, but one that I grab for the sake of my daughter and her feelings which are so fragile.

I See A Light

2006-02-19T15:44:00.000-08:00

AB woke up three times last night - but she went back to sleep within 10 minutes each time, without being picked up or held. I just patted her on the back, turned on her musical thingy and to sleep, to sleep she went. Yeah! May this be the beginning...

Last Night

2006-02-18T16:27:00.000-08:00

Well, I totally screwed up last night; wiped out several weeks of hard work. AB only took one AM nap yesterday but it was for 2 hours. By the afternoon, she had no interest whatsoever in napping. That was fine. I expected her to go to bed easily and she did around 8pm. However, she woke again around 11:30pm. I picked her up and she wrapped her little legs and arms around me tightly. I gave in immediately. I had no fight in me at all. I took her straight to our room and put her in bed with me. I let her nurse as long as she was interested which wasn't long enough to put her back to sleep. I still have the arms reach bed beside ours so when she started moving around, I put her in the small bed. That way I could pat her on the back and rub her tummy. She was honestly content enough and soon fell asleep. Then at 1am she woke again and I put her in bed with me and hung on to her until she fell asleep. Although we neither one slept deeply, at least I got some sleep. In the morning, I woke before she did because she was restless. I watched her little eyes open and look at the window as if to say, "The sun is up, it must be time for me to to get up too". Then she turned her head to see me looking at her. A smile bloomed on her face. "Good morning mama".

Personality Test

2006-02-18T16:24:00.000-08:00

Your #1 Match: INFJ

The Protector
You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience.You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them.
You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.

Your #2 Match: ENFJ

The Giver
You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed.Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections.Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down.You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine.
You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist.

What's" Your Personality Type?

as seen on scrivenings

Married

2006-02-18T08:34:00.000-08:00

This morning I put an organza bow headband on DD's head.

DD: It's so pretty

BBB: Yes, it is.

DD: It makes me so I'm gonna be married.

BBB: Oh, how cute. Let's go tell Daddy. He'll love this. (tee hee)

So we find Z guy.

BBB: Daddy, look at us. Aren't we pretty.

Z Guy: Oh, you're beautiful.

BBB: DD, tell Daddy what what you told mommy about your bow.

DD: (smiles but has clamed up)

BBB: DD says that now she can get married.

Z Guy: Oh...who are you going to marry?

DD: You! (and with that she runs out of the room smiling)

Update: (later that evening)

BBB: Hey Z, J thinks it's funny that DD wants to marry you.

Z Guy: Well, at least someone wants to [marry me] (sarcastically) - DD, do you still want to marry me?

DD: I'm already married

Z Guy: You are! To whom?

DD: To you. I married YOU this morning. I marry you every day!

Z Guy: Aw, you're so sweet.

I Got Sully

2006-02-17T21:39:00.000-08:00

DD helped me make the bed today. She brought in two of her stuffed toys, Mike and Sully from Pixar's Monsters Inc. I wasn't paying much attention to what she was up to except that I kept asking her to get off of the bed while I was trying to put on the sheets. She would get on the bed after every layer was added. Anyway, AB started crying so I picked her up when I was finished. I tossed the last pillow on the bed and headed to the den with baby in arms. I was just getting into bed where I found Sully tucked in on my side of the bed and Mike tucked in on Z guy's. What a sweet little girl she is. She melts my heart.

Friday Poetry

2006-02-17T20:45:00.000-08:00

DEATH!
COMES WITHOUT WARNING!
THOSE WHO LIVE FOR THE FUTURE
WILL GET NOTHING FROM LIFE,
AND THOSE WHO KNOW NOT
THE TRUE MEANING AND REASON FOR LIFE
WILL GET NOTHING FROM
DEATH!

(My dad wrote this one all in caps although he had added some layout issues which I am not going to fight with on the blog. Basically the phrases were all within the vertical boundaries of the words Death!)

Late Night

2006-02-17T20:37:00.000-08:00

Here we are at the start of another evening. Last night was not great. AB woke up only an hour after I'd put her to bed so I nursed her back to sleep then went to bed myself. She woke up the second time at 1:50am. I tried letting her cry a bit at first because she wasn't really upset and I thought she might just put herself back to sleep. But no. When I went in to see her, I kept the lights out, I turned on her music machine quietly and placed her back down in her crib. She cried and crawled up the side of the crib to a stand. So I kissed her, told her it was bed time, time for sleep and placed her back on the bed. Sometimes I would gently rub her tummy while she stared at the music machine. She was less apt to cry when I would rub her tummy or her side. This went on for well over an hour. When I thought she was calm and ready to go to sleep I would either sit on the bed that is in the room (where DD seems somewhat obliviously sleeping) or I would step out of the room. Every time she realized she was alone and would begin to howl. In the end, I gave up and brought her out to the rocking chair and nursed her back to sleep. I was so glad this worked because on other nights she just wants to play and isn't interested in sleeping or nursing. When I crawled back in bed the clock read 3:55am. I was so pooped.

Holy Crap - Another Tooth

2006-02-16T19:11:00.000-08:00

Duh - AB has another tooth which seems to be coming in faster than the lower incisor - this one is her upper right, right incisor; not the one directly above the ones that have broken through below. Well, this could be the explanation for all of the awful nights as of late.

Lost

2006-02-16T14:18:00.000-08:00

DD is taking a nap - so should I. Instead I'm watching Lost on the tivo. Sometimes the show is good and sometimes not. Lately the writing has not been so good. I am such the critic on tv programing - like I could do any better...I keep watching though so I guess they don't have to work much harder, huh.

A New Tooth

2006-02-16T13:59:00.000-08:00

Little AB has a new tooth. She now has her two lower incisors - Yeah! Except, and it may just be coincidence, AB has decided since last Wednesday to stop sleeping through the night. It has been a giant strain on my nerves. She has been waking up twice during the night, only sleeping for two or three hours at a stretch and it was taking at least an hour but usually two to get her back to sleep. I tried nursing, walking, rocking, tylenol and letting her cry - none of which seemed to work. I was at my limit on Saturday (I had not yet noticed said tooth). So, after an outing on Sunday, we stopped at Toys 'r' Us and picked up a light and musical device called "Little Ocean Wonders". One of the other moms I know had recommended it but at the time, AB was only having minor issues and would get back to sleep after 10 minutes or so. We strapped the sucker onto the side of the crib and it seemed to at least give her something to focus on. The first night was the same but the next few nights were much better. The longest time it took her to return to sleep was thirty minutes and Tuesday night she only woke up once. But last night - when I didn't feel so good - we were back to the same routine. The last waking period was 2.5 hours. Ugh! We never had these problems with DD. AB has always been fussier, more demanding. I don't know if it is the new tooth or separation anxiety. I know that it will end but I prefer sooner than later.

We're sick again!

2006-02-16T13:51:00.000-08:00

Ugh! I can't believe it. I woke up yesterday morning yacking - very sick. I don't get sick like this very often. Z guy took care of the girls like he always does and pretended that I wasn't there - thank you. Then I got a call at noon that DD was also loosing her lunch. I was only running a mild fever and Z guy is an hour away so I jumped in the truck and picked her up. She was pretty sick. She couldn't keep anything down. I couldnt' either but after two attempts at trying, I'd given up any hope of eating for the day. Poor DD is hungry and wants to eat so we let her have a few cheerios and some water. Until late this morning, every time she ate, up it came. I know, gross, who wants to hear about all this. I just feel like whining. On a positive note, neither of the rest of the family is sick.

Where did this come from?

2006-02-13T15:25:00.000-08:00

BBB: DD, what do you want to be when you grow up?

DD: A monster!

BBB: Oh, how interesting.

Z Guy: A good monster like Mike & Sulley? (oh, you wish dad)

DD: No, a scary monster.

Z Guy: Scary fun?

DD: No, I'm going to eat people up. Raaaaa Raaaaaaaaaa!

BBB: What color of a monster will you be?

DD: Yellow with fur.

Poetry Friday

2006-02-10T22:29:00.000-08:00

I don't actually own a book on poetry nor do I really seek it out very often. The poetry I love is often the lyric of a song. This didn't occur to me several weeks ago when I thought I would start blogging poetry on Friday's as suggested by jo(e). I didn’t post last Friday because I had nothing. Then I remembered that I had in my possession some poetry written by my dad. I found it when cleaning out his house after he died. The majority of these poems, there are about 20, I'd never seen before and most are dated from May of 1988. I don't remember what was going on in his life then; I was too wrapped up in mine. The themes are of love lost, pain and death. My grandmother told me once that he had been born under a black cloud and that it followed him all his life. I remember him having happy days too but the angry and depressed days are just as prominent in my mind. I will be posting some of his work over the next few weeks.

Words can describe the beauty
Of stars and starfish
Of sunrise and sunflowers
Of mountains and mountain lions
But no words can picture
The beauty that is within
Certainly not the beauty
Whose lovely grace
I have found in you

(no title, no date – written on a scrap piece of paper)

A Meme

2006-02-09T22:13:00.000-08:00

1) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
"apartment houses and tenement housesc…"

2) Stretch your left arm out as far as you can and see what you touch.
a kick and play toy

3) What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Lost

4) Without looking, guess what time it is.
9:35pm

5) Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
9:51pm

6) With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
the next TV show I am watching - Bones

7) When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
~5:40pm. I was bringing my children into the house from the car.

8) Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
fishfood (I read his meme and decided to do one myself)

9) What are you wearing?
kermit the frog pajamas

10) Did you dream last night?
No, my darling AB decided not to sleep practically at all last night. I only got 4 hours of reasonable sleep so no dreamy…

11) When did you last laugh?
I think earlier this evening, however I distinctly remember laughing several times at work while speaking with my co-worker.

12) What is on the walls of the room you are in?
photos of my girls, a blues brothers poster, my BS diploma, calendars, Z guy’s fraternity ‘stuff’

13) Seen anything weird lately?
not that I can recall

14) What do you think of this quiz?
I didn’t realize it was a quiz…

15) What is the last film you saw?
in the theater, the chronicles of narnia; at home, the incredibles

16) If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
I’ve always wanted a wide-body porche

17) Tell me something about you that I don't know.
I used to be a pretty good bowler, I used to average 230, however the last time I played I nearly threw out my hip

18) If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
I would fix gravity so that planes couldn’t fall out of the sky

19) Do you like to dance?
oh, yeah baby, yeah

20) George Bush
I find him to be a weak, uninteresting pathetic individual

21) Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
easy to imagine – I call her my first blessing

22) Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
should my first child have been a male child, I would still call him my first blessing

23) Would you ever consider living abroad?
yes, I would consider it but only if we HAD to. I’m afraid I’m very spoiled to my way of life here.

24) What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
Welcome dear one. See, I do exist…

The Collection of Sound

2006-02-08T13:33:00.000-08:00

I've been to itunes over the past several days, buying music for my little nano. There is so much that I like but so little money to devote to the collection of sound...

Yesterday I bought the new CD from Jack Johnson called Sing-a-Longs and Lullabies for the film Curious George. I LOVE it! My favorite songs are Jungle Gym, With My Own Two Hands, and The Three R's (this is a rewritten form of '3 is a magic number'). I can't recommend it enough. Jack Johnson has been getting a lot of praise as it seems he should. I just hadn't gotten on the bandwagon until now. I thought DD would really like it. After a few seconds of playing it, she said, "Momma, I don't like Curious George Music. I want to hear Lilo & Stitch". So clickity click and the music emanating from the speakers changed from Jack's Nutty Crunchy Guitar to the Hawaiian He Mele No Lilo by Kamehameha Schools Children's Chorus & Mark Keali'i Ho'omalu.

I've also been buying some John Denver songs. It is amazing to me that he, as musician and songwriter, can make me feel so many emotions; a lot of happiness, some sadness and a longing for my yesteryear childhood. He was truly a talented guy. I can't say that I have a particular favorite but I did download all of the ones I knew and liked the best. This was somewhat unusual for me because I typically buy whole albums. I like to hear other music from artists that weren't necessarily popular. With JD, however, I still bought twelve songs and am still eyeing several more.

My other latest musical acquisition was Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield. I heard her live on Regis & Kelly and thought she was pretty darn good. The album is fairly enjoyable. My favorites include the two popular songs, Unwritten and These Words but I also like Drop Me in the Middle. This album is marked as pop but I think some of the songs have a little R&B beat to them too.

I'm all over the place - I think my next purchase may be some Marty Casey, maybe his song Trees. Hmmmm

I got tagged...

2006-01-26T14:39:00.000-08:00

Zerodoll got me!

I don't normally do "chain blogs" so I totally don't care if you do this or not...(ditto)

Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so.
1) shelly
2) zydeco fish
3) doris
4) zerodoll
5) blah blah blah

Next select five people to tag (Sorry!):
1) jayfish
2) overread
3) I’m lame – I don’t really know anyone else
4)
5)

What were you doing 10 years ago?
Ten years ago I was trying to figure out how I was going to get the wedding I wanted. Z guy had just moved to California and we were planning to get married in August. We didn’t have the money for the kind of bash I really wanted; I was getting very frustrated. Three of my bridesmaids were pregnant and would be between 8 and 7 months in August. Things were just not going smoothly. I was still working at the OSU and in the end, I went to visit him during our spring break and we eloped to Tahoe. I had let my grandmother in on it at the last minute because she was making my dress. She got it done in time and I felt so beautiful.

What were you doing 1 year ago?
Same thing I am doing right now, working and planning DD’s birthday party.

Five snacks you enjoy:
1) guacamole (ditto)
2) corn chips & salsa
3) snickers
4) pears
5) pistachios

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:
1) The Reflex - Duran Duran (i know almost all the lyrics of all the D2 songs, sad huh)
2) Boston & St. Johns – Great Big Sea
3) Everytime You Say Goodbye – Alison Krauss & Union Station
4) My Strongest Suit – Elton John/Tim Rice Aida
5) Lover’s Return – Dolly Parton, Linda Ronstadt & Emmylou Harris

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:(it's gotta be a multi-millionaire; these days, a million bucks buys a shack in some parts of the world) [ditto - my answers do not change from what zerodoll had writtenJ]
1) quit my job
2) buy a wonderful house
3) provide for my family
4) donate a bunch to charity
5) travel

Five bad habits:
1) I procrastinate about everything
2) When I’m cranky, I don’t often spare the folks around me
3) I slouch – I’ll be an old crone one day
4) I sometimes don't stand up for myself (ditto)
5) I don't call my family enough (ditto)

Five things you like doing:
1) taking a sauna shower for at least 30 minutes
2) watching tv
3) reading a good book
4) pulling weeds
5) driving very fast

Five things you would never wear again:
1) leggings in general – my legs are too thin
2) fluorescent colored anything
3) the teeny tiny bikini I wore on my honeymoon – again I’m too thin for this
4) my hair in the mullet style
5) culottes or gauchos – and apparently they are coming back into style

Five favorite toys:
1) iPod Nano
2) digital camera
3) my computer for using InDesign and Photoshop
4) tivo
5) my little ponies – I’m at a loss here…

I'm Bummed

2006-01-24T15:10:00.000-08:00

No real good reason really. Seems like the big corporations are swallowing up the little mom and pop places. Disney bought Pixar. Pthhhht... I feel really let down. I thought for sure they wouldn't cave in but it looks like making money won.

Today at our company meeting, my boss mentioned how we are planning to double our size in the next 5 years. Great, right? For some reason it just makes me feel ill. I have no desire whatsoever to grow this business in the directions they are planning. We have already changed from where we were 5 years ago (and we have doubled since then thanks to being purchased by a bigger corporation). I know in many ways it can be a good thing. It must be PMS. Many things are making me upset lately.

I am not a big fan of change. I know my place and I am most comfortable doing what I already know. It is not fair (those of you who know me may now laugh at this last statement).

I'll be back when I'm in a better mood. I need to reflect on what is really important.

What's Up

2006-01-23T15:26:00.000-08:00

1. My computer at home is on the fritz - therefore I am posting from - GASP! - work

2. AB is ready to crawl, still - she's finally getting her knees under her yet she doesn't move anywhere - just rocks back and forth. I took her to the Dr. on Friday for her 9 mo. exam. She is in the 10-20 percentile for weight, the 25-50 percentile for height and in the 75 percentile for her head circumfrence - look at the size of that HEID! (ref to So I Married An Axe Murderer - go Mike Meyers)

3. RaRa is getting worse. Z guy and I are discussing whether or not it is time to put her down. Neither of us want to face that reality or have that kind of power over another individual creature. It is making us cranky.

4. DD is her happy boisterous self. Yesterday she helped me in the yard. We picked worms out of the mud and she made them a new dirt home in an old plastic container. Before we went inside for naptime, we let the worms go. She wasn't so thrilled about this but I explained to her that they needed the plants as well as the dirt. That did not change her mind. She'd have much preferred it if they would have been happy in the box she made.

Poetry Friday

2006-01-20T15:26:00.000-08:00

Jo(e) recommended blogging some poetry on Friday. I thought that sounded fun so here is one of my favorite poems (it is also a favorite of my mother).

The Swing

by Robert Louis Stevenson

How do you like to go up in a swing,
Up in the air so blue?
Oh, I do think it the pleasantest thing
Ever a child can do!

Up in the air and over the wall,
Till I can see so wide,
River and trees and cattle and all
Over the countryside--

Till I look down on the garden green,
Down on the roof so brown--
Up in the air I go flying again,
Up in the air and down!

funny thing is that i always thought the first line was: "Oh, how I love to go up in a swing...

Party Planning

2006-01-20T08:10:00.000-08:00

DD's birthday is coming up. I've been debating whether or not to have a 'party' for her since November. We have only one relative in town who could attend and only a few other friends most of whom do not have children. Well I decided last weekend, Saturday in fact, that we would have a party and invite some of her friends from day school. Because our dog is having some problems, we would not have the party at our house. So to Chuck E. Cheese we go. We took DD on Sunday to see if she'd like it and she did. I went online to reserve a party space and tentatively set the number for 4 children. I made some invitations with PS using My Little Pony characters and then started thinking of whom we'd invite. I asked DD who she wanted to invite from school. She's an outgoing girl but I really didn't expect her to name practically EVERY SINGLE KID in her class. She also wanted to invite a few friends from other day care homes that she's attended. I know, I could have nipped this in the bud but I got caught up in the excitement. I am now inviting 14 children.

I asked my husband to get the names of the kids that she plays with the most from the teacher when he dropped DD off at school. He only got four names. I thought this was a little odd because they were only girl names and DD had mentioned several boys, one J in particular. So when I picked DD up at school we gave invitations to the four previously mentioned and to four more that DD recommended to me personally, right there on the spot. We go home and I tell Z guy what I've done, quite proud of myself. Z guy gets mildly upset that I didn't just stick to the four but mostly that I gave an invitation to the little boy J. He tells me that DD is scared of J because he chases her and yells at her. But she told me that she wanted him to come, I say. Then I turn to DD and ask if J is a nice boy or if he mean. She tells me that he's mean. I'm really surprised and upset. I ask her if she wants him to come to her party and she says no. Now I'm really upset (Glines syndrome approaching...). I'm just sure that she's saying this now because Z guy has just mentioned that he thinks J is mean. I'm so confused. Z guy and I confer trying to decide whether or not we should try to take back the invitation (I'd left them late in the day with the teacher so the children/parents wouldn't get them until the morning). Z guy decides if he gets there early enough, he will take back the invite. I'm really mortified about this. I just think it is so wrong.

When he gets to school in the morning, J's mother has already dropped him off and picked up the invite - GASP! What are we to do! I calm down after a bit thinking that maybe it won't be so bad. It is only one day and one little party at a very crowded place. Perhaps no one will notice a little hellion terrorizing my beautiful daughter - Oh dear. When I pick DD up after work, I ask her teacher if J is really bad and if he and DD play together. She tells me that he is a handful but that yes they do play. She says he's quite intense so much so that generally he is the life of the party to the other kids. Whew! I feel much better.

When I get home, I check my email. I have one RSVP already. It is from J's mother. He won't be attending. It is Super Bowl Sunday and they have prior arrangements. For some reason I feel both relieved and disappointed.

Too True

2006-01-17T10:59:00.000-08:00

You scored as Peter Pan. Your alter ego is Peter Pan. You are a child at heart. Anything you believe is possible, and you never want to grow up.

Peter Pan

81%

Cinderella

69%

Sleeping Beauty

56%

Donald Duck

50%

Goofy

44%

Ariel

44%

Pinocchio

38%

The Beast

31%

Snow White

25%

Cruella De Ville

25%

Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego?
created with QuizFarm.com

I'm Back - Trivia Time

2006-01-17T10:47:00.000-08:00

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Mendi!

Mendi is worth her weight in gold - literally.
Mendi is the only one of the original Seven Wonders of the World that still survives.
Birds do not sleep in mendi, though they may rest in her from time to time.
Duelling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are mendi.
68 percent of all UFO sightings are by mendi.
All swans in England belong to mendi.
The average duration of sexual intercourse for mendi is two minutes.
Until the 1960s, mendi was not allowed to enter Disneyland.
A lump of mendi the size of a matchbox can be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court.
When mendi is swallowed, she will enter the blood stream within twenty minutes.

As seen on Overread and Fishfood

Four Things Meme

2006-01-10T11:19:00.000-08:00

Four Jobs You've Had in Your Life
Sales Associate (I hated this job the most – sold ‘reseach’ services)
Laboratory Technician (the best job overall)
Clerk at Drug Store (RevCo)
Food Service (McDonald’s, Taco Bell, Frontier City Amusement Park, Bowling Alley)

Four Movies You Could Watch Over and Over
The Empire of the Sun (I’m not sure why I love this movie so much – the song that the boy sings haunts me)
Fiddler on the Roof
Indiana Jones (either the first or the third but definitely not the second one)
An Affair to Remember

(Four Movies I’m Currently Watching Over and Over and Over and Over…
The Goofy Movie
Toy Story
Care Bears: Big Wish Movie
Stitch the Movie)

Four Places You've Lived (I don’t get around much)
San Ramon, California
Montclair, California
Stillwater, Oklahoma
Edmond, Oklahoma

Four TV Shows You Love To Watch (this is a revolving list because I watch way too much TV)
Medium
Desperate Housewives
Stargate SG-1
Buffy the Vampire Slayer (so sad to see it go but will still watch in syndication)

Four Places You've Been on Vacation
Maui, Hawaii
Caracas, Venezuela
San Salvador Island, Bahamas
Seattle, Washington

Four Blogs You Visit Daily (well almost daily – i’m still a newbie at this)
Overread
fishfood
Phantom Scribbler
Writing as Jo(e)

Four of Your Favorite Foods (only four!?)
Mexican Food – if it has refried beans, chips, cheese and sour cream, I must have it
Baked Potato with butter, cheese, sour cream, ham and chives
Big Juicy Filet Mignon – medium rare please
Cinnamon Morning Bun from Betty’s – the bomb!

Four Places I'd Rather Be
At home playing hide & seek with DD
A warm quiet beach
At Café Du Monde in New Orleans sipping café ole with my Mom
In Seattle with my two girlfriends, drinking Guinness and watching Great Big Sea

Four Albums You Can't Live Without (This is a hard one, there are so many to choose from – I’ll just give you four – that’s what you asked for, right?!)
Nanci Griffith – Dust Bowl Symphony
Gino Vannelli – Live in Montreal
Garth Brooks – Double Live
Great Big Sea – Road Rage

Four Vehicles I've Owned
1976 Silver Anniversary MG Midget – White (my first car)
70-something VW Bug – Beige
90 Geo Storm – Blue
80ish Pontiac Firebird - White

as seen at Overread

Earning Our Keep

2006-01-07T10:21:00.000-08:00

bbb: DD, would you like to help daddy feed Rah Rah?

Z Guy: Yeah, DD, would you like to earn some money for your piggy bank?

DD: Yes!

Z Guy: How much would you like to earn?

DD: [holds up both hands with all fingers extended.]

Z Guy: Ten? Okay, Help me feed Rah Rah and BK (our lovely orange kitty).

[animals get fed and it is time to collect the cash]

Z Guy: DD, here you go [he holds out one small dime]

DD: [throwing herself on the floor, wailing] NOoooooooooooo!

Z Guy: What? DD, what is it? You said you wanted ten, and this is ten cents.

DD: [in between fake sobbing] It's...only...one...I wanted...ten

bbb: [laughing hysterically from the kitchen table] Ha ha ha - I knew it! DD, why don't you see if you can help daddy count out ten pennies.

DD: Ye-yah [sniff, sniff]

Z Guy: Here you go DD, one...two...three...

There, the world is all better now.

AB eating crackers

2006-01-06T12:51:00.000-08:00

She's grown so much. Her 9 month birthday was just a few days ago. She's ahead of her sister in weight, getting teeth and eating some solids (cheerios and crackers). It makes me very sad. I want her to stay a baby forever but at the same time I love to see her grow. She almost idolizes her older sister if one can do that at this young age. DD can make AB smile almost every time. AB has a beautiful smile. She is extremely ticklish to and can giggle so much. The happiness is balanced by her sadness, or the expression of it when she is upset. DD never cried this much. Since AB is the baby, she is certainly getting spoiled.

She can also wave and is quite proud of her newest acheivement.

Sugar Before Bed

2006-01-05T15:01:00.000-08:00

Last night DD finally finished most of her dinner so we offered to let her have some cake. She’d gone with me to the grocery earlier in the day and we had picked out a small cake to have for dessert. She called it her birthday cake (she knows that her birthday is coming too). She cleaned the cake of all it’s icing – obviously her favorite part. I believe she did take one bite out of the cake part but then she was done. We’d had dinner late (again) so it was practically time to get ready for bed the moment she finished eating. I let her play for a bit though – good thing, bad – I don’t know. Twenty minutes later we began the bedtime ritual of teeth brushing, potty time, pjs and story time. DD never likes to get ready for bed but due to ingestion of sugar, we had an even more enjoyable time – duh! All in all, there have been other times that were much more difficult to get through though.

And We Have a Tooth

2006-01-05T14:59:00.000-08:00

AB has a tooth! The lower left incisor has broken through. The incisor next to it is soon to be here. She seems to be handling it okay save that she doesn’t want to sleep more than 3 hours by herself. She is being transitioned to the crib as well. I am not doing a very good job here. I’ve tried to let her cry a bit to see if she‘ll go back to sleep but if she cries longer than 5 minutes I go get her and just bring her to bed with me. I don’t get good sleep but I get a little. I know, I need to let go of her. She is just the sweetest little thing. So is DD. I am so blessed

Yeah, Bunny!

2006-01-05T14:58:00.000-08:00

it's all about me. deal with it.

Who's Your Happy Bunny?
brought to you by Quizilla

Badawadowatsits

2005-12-26T20:28:00.000-08:00

DD likes to make up words right now. This is the name she gave to my tummy, badawadowatsits. I have no idea...

Dear Santa -

2005-12-24T11:54:00.000-08:00

Letter to Santa from DD:

Dear Santa -

My name is [DD]. I have been a very good girl this year. I would like you to bring me a rollercoaster, a bratz curly straw, a princess cury straw, some ponies [MLP], Toola-Roola. My sister [AB] has been good too. She would like a pony, an apple-blueberry pie. I would also like Fluttershy, some pony pajamas, and a pony shirt, a pony bicycle and a Dora bicycle. That's all I want for Christmas.

Love,
[DD]

Compliments

2005-12-24T08:26:00.000-08:00

I got two compliments yesterday. One from my mom and one from Z guy. My mom and I were talking about children and whether or not they turn out like you think they will. As adults, will they be as artistic, loving, gentle, shy etc as they were as children. She mentioned that I turned out to be a better mother than she expected. That really made me smile. Although I should have said it at the time, I'm sure that my take on motherhood is a reflection of her.

Z guy commented during dinner that I am really in my element right now. It was dinner time and DD and AB don't always eat so well so sometimes we play games to help get the food down. I was making funny noises and faces (whatever works). Z guy thinks that I haven't matured much past the two year old stage. I decided to take that as a compliment.

Latch On, Latch Off

2005-12-23T12:25:00.000-08:00

Because she's been sick, AB has not been so interested in eating anything, just nursing - a lot. It's good for her so I don't mind at all. Mostly I think she wants the comfort of nursing. I don't remember this so much with DD but AB seems very possesive of her boobies. She likes to pat me and snap the elastic on my bra while she's nursing. I think she does this to keep herself and me awake.
When I hold her, if she can, she will reach in my shirt and grab a hold of one - Like, it's mine, stand back! And sometimes when she is nursing she gently caresses the boob she's attached to. Sometimes she'll also pinch it.

Speaking of pinching, we are working our pincher grip. AB loves to pick up broken cheerios.

We are finally transitioning AB out of the family bed and into the crib. It is an awkward and sad time (for me). She is just getting over being sick and she's only 8 months old. We did not move DD into her crib until she was 9 mo. old. I know, one month, big deal -well, it is to me.

Dinner Conversation

2005-12-19T19:15:00.000-08:00

An excerpt from our dinner conversation:

Mama: DD, see how mama mixes her peas with her casserole? Yummy! Some people eat their food separately and some people mix them up.

DD: I want mine separate.

Mama: Well, that's good too. Uncle J keeps all his food separately on his plate.

DD: Yeah. He likes the green ones (peas).

Mama: Yes, he does like the green ones. He likes all green vegetables.

DD: But not E. She does not like green ones.

Where did she come up with this stuff?

Okay, I buy it

2005-12-17T13:38:00.000-08:00

Haymaker

You are one of life’s enjoyers, determined to get the most you can out of your brief spell on Earth. Probably what first attracted you to atheism was the prospect of liberation from the Ten Commandments, few of which are compatible with a life of pleasure. You play hard and work quite hard, have a strong sense of loyalty and a relaxed but consistent approach to your philosophy.

You can’t see the point of abstract principles and probably wouldn’t lay down your life for a concept though you might for a friend. Something of a champagne humanist, you admire George Bernard Shaw for his cheerful agnosticism and pursuit of sensual rewards and your Hollywood hero is Marlon Brando, who was beautiful, irascible and aimed for goodness in his own tortured way.

Sometimes you might be tempted to allow your own pleasures to take precedence over your ethics. But everyone is striving for that elusive balance between the good and the happy life. You’d probably open another bottle and say there’s no contest.

What kind of humanist are you? Click here to find out.

As seen from Overread.

O Spotted One

2005-12-17T11:23:00.000-08:00

We have a dalmation that will be 11 years old this coming March. Two years ago, we noticed that she was dragging her rear feet on the knuckles. It wasn't too bad then so we didn't do anything about it. When her annual exam came up in February she was getting worse, so we mentioned it to the doctor who checked her feet. He placed her rear feet on the knuckles then watched to see if she noticed. The normal response by a dog is to pick their feet back up and place them pad side down. Our RaRa only did this after a few seconds with the left foot. The vet said she probably had a problem disc, either a collapsed or compressed disc, and would need surgery. Surgery is very expensive and he could not guarentee that the problem would be resolved. Apparently, nerve damage only gets worse over time and we had waited a while before reporting the problem. So we chose not to have the surgery but have been giving her prednisone, a steroid, which is supposed to ease the pressure on her disc.

Pressure on the disc is what is preventing her from being able to pick up her feet. These days, she is quite a bit worse. We have continued to give her the prednisone but that is causing iatrogenic cushings disease. She's loosing hair and loosing weight. Sometimes she sits there just shivering. She does not seem in any pain, only in embarrasment when she can't get up or when she looses control of her bowels which she does much more frequently lately. She does try to get to the door but by the time she realizes she is is having an accident it is already too late.

Overall she is still in good spirits, still eating everything in sight. I know that we will come to a point this year when we will have to put her down. I am angry that I have to make that decision. If I could see that she was in any pain, it would not be a problem. But she is mostly happy. I'm just saddened and frustrated. I love her so. She was my first child, so to speak. I've had many pets but she is by far the oldest that I have had. My mom had to deal with our family pets when my brothers and I left home. We had two dogs that lived quite a long time, and both of which had to be put down.

Maybe it's the time of the year but this is just bumming me out. Done with post.

Movie Review -The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

2005-12-17T08:04:00.000-08:00

Well, Z man and I went to see movie last night, alone - woo hoo. We saw the The Chronicles of Narnia. It was a good movie. We both felt the casting was good and that the cg was only okay most of the time. I would recommned it.

It was funny how most of it was very good but there were still points that needed polish. I guess that always happens. Z man also pointed out how much of the book was missing - another tragedy that happens to most books that get turned into movies. I had forgotten much of the book so I enjoyed the story as presented.

I didn't think the witch was very evil. She seemed absent somehow, apathetic almost. Can you be apathetically evil?

oops, kiddies are waking... must go, will post more later.

On Comet!

2005-12-16T11:46:00.000-08:00

You Are Comet

A total daredevil, you're the reindeer with an edge!
Why You're Naughty: You almost gave Santa a heart attack when you took him sky diving
Why You're Nice: You always make sure the sleigh is going warp speed

Which of Santa's Reindeer Are You?

Yep, that might have been me

2005-12-15T14:56:00.000-08:00

I am so happy that this cold is almost gone. My throat is only sore in the morning but not so sore that I cannot sing. Yeah! I love to sing songs on the way to work. So if you see a crazy person driving next to you singing their heart out, it might be me. Right now I have three playlists that I run between:

Christmas music (but I get that all day long at work too)
Folk music (indigo girls, nanci griffith, great big sea - i know, a mixed up mix)
Classic rock (should be pot rock but right now it has Styx, Steve Miller Band & Heart)

I need to install more music on my ipod.

Daddy Needs a Binky

2005-12-11T17:55:00.000-08:00

AB just gave daddy her binky. Stuck it right in his mouth. He claims that she can tell how unsatisfied he is in other areas of his life. I think she sees him drool while watching the boob tube. The world may never know.

Christmas with Family

2005-12-10T08:44:00.000-08:00

Nine years ago my husband and I moved from the area we'd grown up in to a great place, but very far from all our friends and family. We've made a few new friends but when we talk about home, it has most often been referring to where we grew up - the buckle in the Bible belt. I miss the cold a little bit. We would occasionally have snow at Christmas when we went home - not so where we live now (although once it snowed for about 10 minutes in a spot very near where we live and it always snows 2 hours from hear - who cares...) .

Christmas is my favorite holiday of the year. I have soooo many fond memories of family times, music, singing songs, decorated trees, eating and of course finding the gifts that Santa had brought. The time with family made it all the more precious. We used to open a few packages at my Grandma and Grandpa's on Christmas Eve then we would go over to our MamaTeen and Poli's (my dad's parents). Christmas Eve is her birthday, so we would have a small birthday celebration then tear into the Christmas packages. We would anxiously watch for Santa on the Doppler radar on TV (I think they still do this). My Grandma and Grandpa would come over to our house early on Christmas morning to watch us open MORE presents. Boy, do I have some of the best memories of waking up early to see a tree surrounded by packages. I can specifically remember how it was lit in the dark and how the lights cast a strange multi-color glow on everything. We did not have much in general, but we were spoiled rotten on Christmas by everyone.

I've only been away from 'home' and family at Christmas two other times in my life. This year will be the third time and I am somewhat apprehensive. The first time I was away, I went to Venezuela with my then boyfriend. I had a lot of fun (I mean, hey, it was the most beautiful beach and great people) and I didn't miss home so much.

The second time was in 2002. I was very pregnant with my first child and had been advised not to travel. My dad was diagnosed with metastasized cancer a few weeks before Christmas but no one told me until after Christmas. It was a nice gesture, but that year will always be tainted. He died in March of 2003 and I miss him immensely. He was a huge part of my Christmas. In the past years, he and I would make a special trek together to the mall to find presents for everyone soon after I'd arrived back home. He always took lots of pictures - those are all the more special now. He loved Christmas as much as I do; maybe I he influenced me.

I will not miss the standard holiday rush we have been used to the past several years: scrambling to get home (which involves getting on plane and flying for 4+ hours - only good if you're going to HI), shipping packages, get them wrapped, seeing and spending quality time with everyone. But, I will be a sad all the same. Christmas isn't Christmas without family. I don't know when we'll be going back. Two small children and travel costs are keeping us home for now. Perhaps I should be satisfied with the start of new family traditions and memories.

Highschool

2005-12-10T07:47:00.000-08:00

Well, I don't think I really was the arty kid but I did think the whole world was against me. Maybe that's why this quiz said I was the arty kid.

Arty Kid

Whether you were a drama freak or an emo poet, you definitely were expressive and unique.

You're probably a little less weird these days - but even more talented!

Who Were You In High School?

He Thinks!

2005-12-08T11:24:00.000-08:00

Mr Z and I have been encouraging verbal communication from DD by asking questions like, "What do you think?" The other night, DD asked if she could watch Stitch the Movie (again). I responded by telling her to ask daddy what he thinks. He said, "I think that would be okay." She squealed with delight, "Mommy, he Thinks, he Thinks!"

The Cows of People

2005-12-07T12:12:00.000-08:00

Z man pointed out that nursing mothers are the cows of people; did he mean to infer that I am a cow?

I was so very excited the other day to pump (at work) almost 9 ounces for dear Angel Baby. Since I have been sick, production has gone down. So, I was elated to see it go back up. I should have knocked on wood. I am now back to making about 6 ounces during the day. Serious bummer. AB doesn't seem to mind the formula too much. I'm pretty sure that the supply had started to dwindle at about this same age for her older sister and she has turned out fine. Still, I'm bummed. There is a coworker of mine who was able to nurse her daughter until she was 2, at which point she quit. She still has substantial production though she has not been actively encouraging it for more than 6 months. I'm jealous. Some people have all the luck.

Moo moo

Mistress of Hack / Master of Phlegm

2005-12-03T18:20:00.001-08:00

Our family has been sick in various forms since the week before Thanksgiving. I was the first to fall ill and am still suffering somewhat; the upper head cold that will not leave. DD has had the runniest nose I've ever seen but as I mentioned before, she has learned to take care of that on her own. Hubby however, has suffered the most with moderate fever off and on for several days over the past week. I hope that we are all well soon, appetites returned in time for the holidays. It's no good to be sick when there are sweets to be eaten and new toys to play with.

I still get the tickly hacking cough that has made my coworkers run from several directions to see if I'm okay. They must like me if they worry so.