Where O Where...

Wow, didn't realize how long it has been since I posted. I conceive of my blog posts at least once a day. I am saddened by all the moments I haven't capture here or in my written journal. I guess I've been kept busy by this 'job' I have always wanted and love so dearly. As I began writting this post in the peace and quiet of the morning, my early riser playing quietly with a ribbon in my lap, another one came into the room talking away as usual. Ah, there are the cries of the third. Again I must go. I promise to be back soon.

The Name Game

We have yet to come up with a name for the new little one. It is driving me crazy. I'd just as soon name her Cricket, which is her nickname right now, but dad says, no bug names. I have put together an entire page of names all of which have been rejected. Z guy has suggested one, which i didn't care for either. Oh, and we had rules on creating this name:
1. It can't start with S or A (other two darlings got those letters)
2. It can't end with and 'E' sound or and 'N' sound (again earlier darlinngs)
3. It should have a 'Y' in it (to follow suit of other two)
4. We would like it to be less feminine and nickname-proof.
5. Greater than one sylable in length -possibly

Simple rules I thought. My favorite name meeting these criteria is Lydia (z guy hates among others). I had also suggested Bryce (he could live with but I think it may be too boyish). Z guy suggested Danica (without a y because that just made it look funny). DD has suggested a slew of names throughout the prego such as heimlich, louis and tinkerbell but has recently stuck to her guns on Sophia and Marie. AB has suggested Jovania and Gianna. I actually really like Gianna but that's begging for a nickname right of the bat as is Danica.

My new favorites are Claire, Dylan, Camryn, Larkin and Laney all of which break rules above. I know this shouldn't be such a big deal but I feel the weight of the world right now with this decision. And, I feel bad because Z guy is pretty apathetic to the whole thing. He says to choose whatever I want and he'll resent her just the same. He's such a crab sometimes. I've even bought a name book trying to find that one name where we'll think, "Hey, that's it!" but we have yet to find it. I looked in a book of Sci-Fi names and found Lyta, Tayla and Kaylee but no go. I realize I have some time but not near enough apparently...i'm really starting to get concerned. How can we have clothes and a place for this person and yet no name. Argh. Send suggestions if you have any.

A Good Fruit Drink

My youngest one, out of the womb that is, recently got her own Jamba Juice with Z-guy. She called it "pajama juice" and though we tried to correct her, it didn't take. She's very happy with her own term for the drink which was quite good, thank you.

Strange Dreams

I've been having trouble sleeping well lately (running in the family although different sources of trouble). I start out around 8:30 sleeping in bed with the girls (as a buffer between them so they'll settle down) (i know, bad bad). Then I usually wake up several times as I've been kicked or the bladder is full. I get to my own bed sometime after 1am. Anyway, usually it is the kicking or bladder that wakes me up and gets me moving.

Today it was the strangest set of dreams. I haven't slept that deeply in I can't remember when so my dreams always feel to me like I'm half awake and I can usually control what's going on. The first set of dreams was really odd. I was in the house I'm currently living in. It was the middle of the night and really storming outside with wind, rain and lightning-I like that. I am walking through the hallway toward our kitchen when I can sense and see the shadow of someone in the kitchen. As I get closer, I realize it is my Dad, who is dead. I look at him apprehensively, but not terrified and say, You're not supposed to be here. He looks at me and tells me to shut the sliding glass door as it is letting in rain. I woke up a bit here because I don't remember more of that bit and I'm lying back between D and A. But then, in the next piece of dream, I see a bit of grey/black smoke hovering over my youngest child in the bed. I tell it to go away. It is not wanted here. I wake up more, a little uncomfortable from the confrontation, and really can't go back to sleep now because the bladder is screaming. So I head to the head - haha and go back to my own bed. Once settled there, I dream some more.

First I dream about a house that I do not know. Z guy and the girls are there; more like a chalet with lots of open space and windows. We've come back from a trip somewhere and it is snowing outside. There is a downstairs room that is accessible from the outside of the house. I go down there to check on something and the door is busted in. To me it looks like an animal did it-a big animal. Z guy comes down to check after much pestering and is nonplussed about the whole thing. In this room, which seems to be almost like a den or second living space, there is a big black refrigerator. The doors to the frig and freezer parts have been ripped off and all the food inside is ransacked. Still he is not upset. There are cracked and crushed eggs all over the drawers in the frig. We will have to get a new outside door and frig and clean up the mess. Still, I am the only one upset. That is all I remember from that set as we move to the next.

Somehow we moved next to a dinner party in a house I've never been to before. This time it is just me and Z guy. Most of the people I don’t know but they seem to be friends of Z guy’s. Finally the food is ready to eat. No one is eating at a main table; they are all just milling about the house with their plates. I find that there is a lot of fat on the meat that has to be cut off. I thought it was supposed to be turkey but it looks more like pork and it is very tough. Suddenly my Mom is there and they house had turned into my grandmother’s house-of sorts. The food is forgotten and instead we’re going through her things trying to decide what to keep and what not to. There are several people in the house but they seem to be more friends of my mother’s and grandmothers and some of them are not living but are ghosts. Z guy is not there anymore. My mom shows me a ceiling fan that has apparently been augmented by my grandmother. It has these dried flower things sticking out of the top and sides and where the motor should be is a large glass container containing all kinds of things; mostly china dolls. Mom is trying to decide whether to take the whole thing or just some of the dolls. She opens the glass container and starts removing the dolls and figurines. Suddenly I see a tiny child’s ring inside and know that it must have belonged to my grandfather. I get very excited and try to get my mother’s attention but she seems off in her own world. I turn around and there is my Dad next to me who says something and I don’t remember what it was. My mom starts laughing at what he says and I am upset because she shouldn’t be able to hear what he’s saying. I realize at that point that she’s slipping away and dying and I can’t stop it. She says it’s okay and that she’s really looking forward to going. It will be so nice. I’m scared and upset but don’t want to upset her so I stay calm and let her go. Now I can’t go back to sleep. So I wake, make a cup of coffee and write in my blog for the first time all summer. As I type that last line, my youngest comes padding through the kitchen. My day has begun .

Okay, was all that from the gummy worm I had after a dinner of Mexican food! :O

Woohoo

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From the increadible Overread

I'm way behind...a movie, I can't believe it...

I'm not sure what to do or think

I found out today that my 2nd cousin, Angie, lost her youngest child yesterday to 'complications from pneumonia'. He was only 5 1/2 and had had some medical trouble from seizures all during the earlier years of his young life but had been better lately. I never met him and haven't seen this cousin since she was probably 12 years old but this upsets me as I suppose it should. It never seems right to loose a child let alone from something like pneumonia. They are doing an autopsy. He died around 3pm yesterday within 6 hours of being taken to the hospital (which sounds odd to me). He was home sick that day. They thought he had a cold but when he coughed up some blood that morning his mom took him to the hospital. Big changes can happen so fast. Although I haven't seen many members of this family for several years, I still feel close to them. I remember when this cousin's mom was pregnant with her and how I watched her when she was a baby. I can't imagine what she must be going through. I hope that the family she has around her can give her comfort. I would reach out myself but it feels wrong to do so right now when all I can say is how sorry I am. Maybe I'll try later.